The Quest for Absolute Nirvana

Something New to Love

2008-10-08T14:41:00.001+08:00

Ever since I really wanted to join a marathon event, but the problem is I have no idea where to start, I’ve been looking for sites in the web for race schedules, clubs or anything that can kick start my marathon career (**,) but I wasn’t able to look for a good site. My friend’s bf which also runs sent me a message telling me to check out takbo.ph which he also just discovered. So I checked out the site and to my eyes delight the site was loaded with info on schedule races for the coming months and you can also download the registration form straight into their site.

I was so happy and excited because I’ve got what I was wishing for, and guess what? … I’ve signed up for 4 races this month (**,) literally that's how excited I am. I’ll be running on the 11th, 18th, 19th and 26th of October and all of them are 10k runs, yes that’s right 10k and to think that it’ll be my first race instead of trying first the 5k I jumped to 10k. Good luck to me! But as the saying goes “No Pain No Gain” and I love challenging myself so bahala na si batman.. I run daily on an average of 3km per day at a steady phase so what’s another 7k right? (**,) hahaha!

I’m back

2008-10-08T14:00:00.001+08:00

I’m done mourning over my father’s death… but did I really grieve over his death? I was always out every weekends enjoying what’s life to offer me. I was on a g’mik spree, my mom never said anything about it maybe because we’re not really open, we’re not the typical type of family who sit over dinner and talk about anything or everything that happened thru the day but I have no regrets or whatsoever and if I’m given the chance to live my life again and to be able to choose a perfect family, I will never think twice of choosing what I have right now to be with them over and over. Well everybody has their differences maybe I’m just the type of person who keeps his pains inside, trying to keep everything for himself and thinking always of the good side of life as a diversion to absolute loneliness.

So much for that…I’m glad I’m back to blogg’n again, I’ve been stubborn during the past months but now I’m so back and I found a new sport a hobby that doesn’t require you to be taller, to be physically fit, and to be with a team. All you need is a good pair of shoes. I’m talking about RUNNING, probably for some it’s a boring sport but running gives me that natural high a sense of fulfillment that I am becoming better, faster and stronger. Maybe you should try running, or anything that you haven’t tried yet, something new something that will jumpstart your life back to the right track.

My Dad (from a cousin's point of view)

2008-06-24T14:34:00.003+08:00

Got this from my cousin's blog describing what my dad is all about...

uncle omeng, as i described him to a friend last night, was "sobrang funny and mabait". the best thing i liked about him was his laidback view about life. he took everything with a grain of salt: he was not a worrier. he refused to worry and just took life one day at a time. he was very funny. did i already say that?

maybe what i really mean to say is that he was the source of joy in our lives. it was a joy seeing him. i remember i hugged him when we had that photo taken. i remember talking to him for a long time outside of the restaurant where cheska had her reception after baptism. i remember teasing him before i left na hindi pa n'ya ko na-shopping. i remember him saying sorry and me saying that's ok uncle, naglalambing lang ako.

I always remember my dad being the joker of the Espadilla clan, always trying to make everybody laugh till tears starts comming out from thier eyes. His an optimist, he stands by his moto of "Don't worry be happy" his a Tito, Vic and Joey fanatic no wonder all his punch line is somehow the same with the trio.

That's one of the many aspects I got, we got from our dad all 3 us got his genes. If your going to rank us whoes the one that resembles my dad the most that would be my youngest brother. My dad left him when he was 5 years old and I seem to wonder how did he grow up like my dad... funny, a little heard headed, got the angst in him, freindly (he got ton's of it), hardcore drinker the way he moves, the way he talks, he also got my father's fashion of going out the streets halfnaked (typical tambay sa kanto) that's why both of them are well tanned.

THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD

2008-06-20T10:08:00.004+08:00

What does it take to be a father?

Dedication? Commitment? Love? Hmmmm…

I’ll tell you about the greatest dad in the world and that would be my dad, of course you are going to argue about that and say your dad is #1, well we all have our bets... but this is my moment, this is my blog go create one for your main man, your go-to-guy… your hero.I haven’t seen my dad for 14 years, he’s in the states working his butt out to fulfill his dream of giving us a better life. 14 years and he didn’t pay us a visit? To answer your question, he’s an illegal alien (TNT it’s what they normally call it). It’s the only way, that’s his best option at that time there’s many consequences at stake, and it turn out to be a great decision. A decision that takes a lot of balls, he made a sacrifice of leaving his family in order for it to stay as a family.

A friend once told me if he’s on that position he would never do that he’ll rather see his family go thru the hardship rather than to leave. I respect his opinion, but I have to ask him if it’s ok for him to see his family hungry? The nightly fights of you and your wife arguing about money, you having a mediocre pay check? Diminishing friends because you couldn’t pay the money you borrowed from them. And your children asking you why can’t we have these and that, what’s the difference between a public and a private school? Eventually, you’ll end up looking back at the lost opportunity.

We are not rich, if it wasn’t for my dad’s sacrifice I would be a different person from today, probably I’m a loser right now. He was able to give us life and that’s what I like about him he never thinks of himself his not selfish. All of us we’re able to study on a private school went to college and got a degree. He provided us everything toys, expensive basketball shoes, clothes, gadgets, my car. He never said no to us, never. Everything our heart’s desire, he’s like a Genie.Another aspect of my father is him being faithful to us especially to my mom, He can have a second family there but he remains faithful to us. 14 years of dedication to your family that’s miles away from you. That’s what you call love.

One thing about my father is he was able to teach us is respect, we we’re never scared of him but we respect him a lot. Every time my mom tells him about us, arguing with one another, making stupid mistake, he will talk to us and dissect to every little details of the mistakes we made. We grow up without a father but I’m proud to say we end up being responsible. Me and my second brother got our degrees the youngest will have his soon. We never got into big troubles and we never gave our parents heartaches. Well, I have to give credit to the greatest mom on this world too for that, and that would be my mom.

Lessons I've learned from my dad…
“Walang taong bobo, tamad lang”
“Walang lalakeng umiiyak”
“Don’t worry be happy”
“Make sacrifices, work hard and love your family”
“Lahat ng bagay napagaaralan”
“Kung sila na kaya, ikaw pa!”
“Gumamit ka ng condom” – heheh ;)

MY DAD IS THE GREATEST, I WILL NOT TRADE HIM FOR THE WORLD!!!
I LOVE YOU PAPA OMENG!
I MISS YOU SO MUCH!
I’LL SEE YOU IN HEAVEN…

A LETTER TO PAPA

2008-06-20T10:07:00.001+08:00

Dear Papa,

Kamusta ka na? Kaw ha nag give up ka kagad, sana lumaban ka pa baka binigyan pa tayo ni Lord ng isa pang chance. Nagtatampo ako syo kasi iniwan mo na kami, hindi ka manlang nagpaalam sa amin, hindi ko manlang nasabi syo kung gaano kita kamahal, ska ung mga plano ko syo pag nagkita tyo wala na lahat. Sayang papa hindi mo manlang nakita ung mga apo mo puro babae, malamang sobrang spoiled sa iyo yun kung nagkataon. Papa, wala ng mag bibigay sa akin ng advice alam mo naman hindi ako nag oopen up kay mama eh. Papa miss na miss na kita, wala na kaming matatangap na overseas call from you every time na may occasion. Wala narin mga request, wala na kming go-to-guy. Hindi mo manlang ako nabigyan ng tips kung pano tumayo bilang head of the family, pero I’ll do my best I’ll see to it na everything will be in order here the way you want it to be. Ako na bahala sa mga kapatid ko sa ka kay mama alagaan ko silang mabuti. Papa hindi parin ako makapaniwala na wala ka na talaga. Hintayin mo nlang kami dyan sa langit ha. I Love you PAPA!

Love,
JR

A PRAYER

2008-06-20T10:05:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,

Why is it so soon? Why does it have to be now? Why My Lord? You never even give me the chance to say goodbye to him. Every time I pray to you, I always ask you to take care of him to keep my family healthy and away from harm, and if one of us has to go… let it be me. Lord, sana ako nlang kinuha nyo. I have been with my mom and my two brothers for 25 years and with my dad for 11 years. My dad has been deprived of seeing his family grow, being with them in times we needed a father most. My two brothers never got that experience especially the youngest one. Lord sana hindi nyo muna siya kinuha, sana binigyan nyo pa po kmi ng chance na magkita ulit at makasama sya kahit isang buong araw lang. Lord bakit? Ang dami kong pangarap sa papa ko, sabi ko pag nagkita kami ililibre ko sya, mag iinuman kami, mag bobonding kami, ibibili ko sya ng bahay, susuklian ko lahat ng ginawa nya para sa amin pero kinuha mo sya agad, ngayon… paano ko na magagawa yun? My dad has been good to us, he made sacrifices and all I’m praying for ever since is one day he’ll be with us again, to play with her 2 grand children, to see the success of his hardwork and sacrifices. Lord, for 14 years my father is so lonely and all he ever wanted is to be with us again but you didn’t allowed it, you never made it happen even just for a day. I want to be angry with you, but I know its wrong… You have your reason, and sometimes, most of the time we just can’t understand your reason.

Lord kayo na bahala sa papa ko, forgive the sins that he made, Maybe both of you are talking right now him asking you why did you get him so early, you have your reason Lord. Please bless him, I’m praying for you right now to forgive the sins that he made and bring him to heaven with You because that’s the only thing I’m looking to right now, to be with my father again in your Kingdom.Thank you Lord!

THE NEWS

2008-06-20T10:00:00.001+08:00

June 17, 2008 midnight, I was on my way to meet a friend when suddenly I received a call from my tito, just by the sound of him I can feel there’s something wrong, he told me that he was trying to contact my mom but she was not answering, my tito is hesitant to break the news “telling me wag akong mabibigla at magpakatatag ako” just by that phrase I knew already that it’s about my dad, he wasn’t able to tell me directly and he passed it to my tita, my tita started crying and told me the wala ni si… and I started crying, it happened so fast, I wasn’t prepared I didn’t expect it to happen. I was the first one to know in the family. After that, I called my mom right away she’s at the hospital and I asked her if visitors are still allowed to go inside, she don’t want me to come anymore she told me that my dad had a heart attack and pray for him that’s all she knows. The line wasn’t clear so I decided to hang up and go to the hospital. I was driving, crying, talking to myself, to God and to my papa. When I arrived at the hospital I saw my mom crying hard talking to someone at the phone, my youngest brother was there he’s eyes full of tears I started crying again, all of us. My 2nd brother was the last one to know. That night of 061708 was the saddest day of my life.

PUERTO GALERA - Mindoro

2008-05-07T20:16:00.006+08:00

CANYON COVE - BATANGAS

2008-04-29T15:07:00.021+08:00

I'm Back!

2008-04-22T14:56:00.005+08:00

We’ll it’s been a long time since I’ve updated my blog, I’ve been busy working on “Project Sexy Boy”. So far it’s been doing well from 150 last month I’m on 140 now and the result is starting to show. I’m now a size 30 from a high of 34, I can now wear fit clothes and recently hearing praises from my colleagues like “Ang payat mo nah!” and it felt real GOOD. I’m gaining my confidence back and I love it. Well I’m still half way to 120 but I’m slowly getting there. I’m not on a hurry anyway.

It’s summer and it’s time to hit the beach. My friends and I got it all planned up for half of this season, unfortunately the downside of it is I’m going to get a tan which I really don’t like. Anyways here’s our schedule:

April 26 - Canyon Cove - Batangas
May 3-4 - Puerto Galera - Mindoro
May 24-26 - La Union (We'll try Surfing)

I'll be sharing our photos so don't worry... ;)

PROJECT SEXY BOY

2008-03-06T10:33:00.000+08:00

I love watching wrestling, when I was a kid I used to believed that those wrestlers are for real. Everybody was telling me that it's scripted but I couldn’t believe it back then all those slam banging, bone crushing action looks real to me. I just realize it when I step into high school I observed that all their moves are timed and there was this T.V. show that exposed every shit about wrestling. Though I believed every fan out there knows wrestling is fake they still watches it because it so entertaining they even called it the soap opera for Men. And I prefer watching it over the real one, I find the sport boring and lame and I wish it would be replace by Mix Martial Arts Fighting in the Olympics that would be a lot of fun to watch. Back to wrestling, I was a fan of Stone Cold, The Rock, X-pac and Shawn Michaels. All superstars have their code names and famous lines from The Rock's "Do you smell what the Rock is cookin" to DX "Suck it" Shawn Michael's A.K.A Heart Break Kid entrance theme song "Sexy Boy" is my favorite. The song goes like this "I'm not your Boy Toy... I'm just a Sexy Boy"... Sexyyy Boooooy.. haha.. So once I reach my goal of 120 lbs. I'll be having a moniker of "Sexy Boy" hahah!

From 153 lbs. last month, I'm now at 150 Lbs. I was really disappointed on the result last month just 3 lbs., I was aiming for 8 lbs., 5 lbs. short. Exercise Program was fine, but my diet is at fault it's really hard to turn down a good food specially free ones but I'm cutting my portion and eventually I'll be eating less than I should. I'm targeting 140lbs. this month. How I wish!!!

2008-02-20T17:23:00.004+08:00

"Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going."

- Fitness First

2008-02-18T09:36:00.002+08:00

First saturday that Hon is miles away form me, I went to the gym for my work out. When I came back home my tito from the US payed a visit and invited us for a massage at a spa near ABS. My friends and I are scheduled to meet late at night at Makati but unfortunately for some reason it didn't push true. That's when I felt I'm alone I started missing hon. I really want to go out that night so I asked my HS friends if they could join me for coffee at Araneta. It was a lonely night for me but I know I can adjust.

2008-02-17T08:50:00.000+08:00

Wake up early to jog around Araneta Center today and to buy flowers for my mom and Jhen. I bought 3 pcs of red roses for my mom and 1 dozen of yellow roses for Hon (why yellow? well I really don't know that it's stands for friendship all I planned is that red is to common so I want to make it different this time). I asked a friend of ours who also works on the same company as Hon a favor to put the flowers at her cube for my valentines surprise for her.

Our Valentines almost end up a nightmare again coz again I become impatient waiting for her. I was texting her a dozen times and I haven't gotten any reply fro her so I felt like clueless, will I stay at the Gym or go to her office. So when we met we we're bought speechless she knows I pissed. It's when we had our dinner when we started talking. We ate dinner at Texas Roadside Grill @ El Pueblo. The food is good but expensive but it's valentines so who cares?

I spent the night at her house coz she'll be leaving on Saturday for her work. We're about to sleep when she started crying I hug her and told her that I'm going to miss her. 6 months is no joke I really felt sad but it’s for her own good. She has a bright future ahead of her.

We woke up early coz she still needs to buy some stuff for her travel and we're going to meet her High School friends for dinner @ Trinoma. We bought a silver friendship band at the store and I requested a Nike pack from her as a valentine’s gift from me.

When we arrive home she starts preparing her stuff I slept for an hour because I'm going to drive her to the airport at 3 am in the morning her flight is at 6 am. When we we're at the airport I wanted to hug her but I felt awkward coz her mom is with us. We just kissed and said goodbye.

My Top 5 Female Athlete

2008-02-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

#1 Maria Sharapova (Tennis)

#2 Ana Ivanovic (Tennis)

#3 Martina Hingis (Tennis)

#4 Michelle Wei (Golf)

#5 Gabbe dela Merced (Car Racer)

I Love Sneakers

2008-02-08T13:04:00.000+08:00

Back in my teenage days I love sneakers so much especially basketball shoes and my favorite brand would be Nike or nothing. Everytime Nike releases a new shoe I made sure that, its's on my wish list to my dad. Unfortunately I forgot to collect them and most of them are in the trash already so I have search for the actual shoe color in the net. Me and my middle brother are the one's who love sneakers a lot the youngest doesn't. I plan to start collecting Nike sneakers again and this time I'm going to keep them.

My First Shoe Jordan 6 (Grade 6) from my aunt.

Air Max Uptempo (HS Freshman) from Dad

Air Foamposite (2nd - 4th yr) from dad

Jordan 13 (My youngest brother's shoe)

Air Penny 4 (My middle brother's shoe)

Nike Shox BB (College Freshman) from dad

Air Jordan Low (My Middle Brother's Shoe)

Jordan Trunner Scorch (3rd -4th college shoe) from dad

Nike Free 5.0 from my pay check ;)

Nike Air Force 1 Low (from lolo)

Nike Air Force 1 Low (My Middle Brother's Shoe)

2008-02-05T08:33:00.000+08:00

I'm back to fitness first again but this time it's just for 4 months and this time I promise to myself that I'm going to make the most out of it. I got a lot of plans this year for myself I already started running & lifting weights and my next plan would be to play tennis. I really wanted to try tennis since college but the problem is it can't be played alone unless your going to face the wall. My freinds are not interested in the sport and looking for a partner is really hard but I'm decided to play it even if I have to pay for a hitting buddy. I'm just waiting for my tennis shoes and racket which will be provided by tito D and Ate L. I also planned to swim every sunday.

If everything goes as plan my activities would be schedule like this

Monday: Jogging & Weight Training
Tuesday: Jogging & Weight Training
Wednesday: Jogging & Tennis
Thursday: Jogging & Weight Training
Friday: Jogging & Weight Training
Saturday: Tennis
Sunday: Swimming / Tennis

I'll commit myself to physical fitness! Hehehe!

New Year Resolution (Revisited)

2008-02-01T08:56:00.000+08:00

Well it's been a month now and I want to revisit my resolution for this year so let see if I've accomplished some of it

* I'm going to lose 30 lbs. this year - FROM 160lbs to 153lbs damn! im on the right track!
* I'm going to run - 4x a week every morning before going to work!
* I'll be patient - 10% improvement so far
* I'll be honest. no more lies - ...
* I'll finish my debt and start saving - if it wasn't for my car I could have paid half of it!
* I'm going to be a defensive driver - ...
* I'll stop being stubborn - ...

2008-01-28T09:51:00.000+08:00

"Everything works, but nothing works forever"

-IronWorkout.com

2008-01-26T13:19:00.000+08:00

Rating my bday from 1 to 10 (1 being the lowest) I'll give it a 6, it went well but not as I planned it to be. It could be the last time that I'll be spending it at home and with two sets of friends under one place. I really don't feel like sharing it here but don't get the idea that I didn't enjoy. Remember, I gave it a 6.

26th of January didn't really work out for me, I spent 1600 for my car aircon repair but bad luck seems coming my way, I have to return it maybe next week for the mechanic to check what's really wrong, probably condenser problem or whatever. I'm more worried about the expenses. I'm so fucked up! I really didn't expect having a car will cost me this much!

I LOVE YOU

2008-01-25T15:31:00.000+08:00

I fell in love with you
It was like a dream come true

You chased away my pain & sadness
And replaced it with joy & happiness

I want you to know my love is true
I will forever and always cherish you

We've shared many first times
And we'll have many more to come

I promise I'll never leave
'Cuz you make my life complete

I'm so crazy about you
I don't know what to do

Everytime I look into your eyes
I see a love that never ends

They shine like the stars in the moonlit sky
Shine on me so beautiful and so bright

They're like beams of light
That light up my dark and lonely night

I love everything you say and do
'Cuz who I love... is you

I just want you to know I love you
And nobody will ever love you like I do

I don't care what people say
'Cuz I'm gonna love you anyway

2008-01-25T09:55:00.000+08:00

Early gifts from my officemates, thanks guys!

I never taught that planning a birthday party will be to much of a pressure to me, well it's my 25th birthday and I want to spend it with a bang but unfortunately I ain't got dough. I received 50 from my dad but the way dollars is slumping... If it wasn't from my cc debts and my driving accidents (more of a stupidity) I'll be living lavida loca.

I'm supposed to held it on my crib but unfortunately my mom told me she can't cook for some reason, so I told her it's ok I'll just celebrate it somewhere, so I asked a few friends if they know a place somewhere in timog or eastwood that is cheaper. I was still undecided on where will I be spending it then I received I text message from my mom and she told me that she'll prepare foods for my birthday. Whew! mga nanay talaga hindi matiis ang mga anak. So problem solved I'll be spending it on my crib.

2008-01-24T08:00:00.000+08:00

"Help me help you and I'll show you the Money!!!"

from the movie Jerry Maguire

BIRTHDAY BOY!

2008-01-21T14:03:00.000+08:00

5 days to go before my much awaited Silver Anniversary of longevity on earth. I can't believe that I'm 25 right now I still feel like I just turn 21. If i was just not 40 lbs overweight right now I would look like a fresh grad... honest! There was a meeting at the office and a lady told me that I look just like a kid among them. I was really flattered. Anyway it's going to my birthday on the 26th and I have to have some sort of a birthday wish list.

in random order...

Havaianas "Cartunista" size 41/42 - i like the white one or the green one
Designer Whey Protien Powder - (Chocolate Flavor)

Tuesday With Morrie, 5 People You Meet in Heaven, For One More Day by Mitch Albom

("Must have! this 3 books cost less than a thousand pesos ;)"

- My Friends @ CDI promises to give me all 3... YEEESSS!!!

Being Happy by Andrew Matthews
Slim Fit Polo Shirt
Nike Shirt

Billabong Board Shorts or the brown checkered shorts
Girbaud wallet
Car Mat

I probably be the one to buy some of it... but it would be much appreciated if I can get it as gifts.

... GO..GO..GO shorty it's my birthday and I'm gonna party coz it's my birthday!!! And I don't give a damn coz it's my birthday!!!

One More Chance (2nd Time Around)

2008-01-20T17:22:00.000+08:00

"Hate That I Love You"

[Her:]
That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Me:]
But you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

[Her:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

[Me:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

[Her:]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

[Me:]
You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

[Her:]
Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

[Me:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Me:]
Yeaahhh... Oohh...

[Her:]
That's how much I love you (as much as I need you)
That's how much I need you (oooh..)
That's how much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

[Her:]
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate that I love you so.. so...

Well the song said it all.. Love rules it All!!!

2008-01-19T16:16:00.000+08:00

"...I just don't understand how God would let us meet, if there is no way for us to be together..."

from the movie City of Angels

2008-01-18T09:00:00.000+08:00

Why do I love you when you don’t love me?
And you, longing for me when I don’t
Are we destine to love like this?
At two separate times, At two separate worlds

Why can’t we go living on separate lives?
And allow time to lead us back to each others arms
Maybe someday you’ll find me between your hug
And me, finding you inside my heart

What if that decision is wrong?
And we aren’t really meant for each other
You, giving your life to him and
Me, fooling myself of loving her.

Why can’t I allow you to cry on my shoulders?
Why can’t you permit me to kiss your lips as passionately as I can?
Why do we keep on dancing this stupid dance over and over?
Why? Please tell me why?

2008-01-13T17:00:00.000+08:00

It's a rainy Saturday, but it didn't stop me from running. Woke up early put on my running shoes, do a little stretching then off I go. I'm not really on the idea of measuring how far I run but on the fact that I'm burning unwanted fats on my buddy. I decided that it's about time to be conscious again on my physical well being. I started to change my life style by eating less and cutting down on carbo. I stop eating rice, smoking and limiting my self to 3-4 bottles of beer a week and exercising 4 times a week. It's been a week now and I feel good about it. I think I've lost already 3 lbs. during that span of time. My goal for this month is to lose 10 lbs. my current weight today is 157 lbs. and my main goal is to achieve the 120lbs mark. so doing the math it will take me till the end of April hmmm... still got 1 month to flaunt my achievement and enjoy summer. TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!!!

Saturday is incomplete if your not going out to unwind and have some fun, it's a waste of time to spend the whole day at your house. Enough for the reason that your not outgoing and your resting from a 5-6 day work stop being a couch potato you have all day Sunday to do that. Money is not a problem you got your friends right go figure out how to spend your Saturday.

Last night JD, OC and me have a plan to play billiards at a pool house near our district. On our way to pick up OC we decided to drop at PM thinking he might be available, Luckily he's available. It's my first time at that pool house the place is not that nice but it's cheap. And what makes that place cooler is some of my classmates from high school hang out in there. So I got the chance to see them again after 8 years. It's like a mini reunion for the reason that all of us in there belongs in the same section in my sophomore year (Our Lady of Fatima a.k.a OLF) except PM and Boni. We still call each other by surname and monikers some are lucky coz they were called by their nick names unfortunately for me...

To give you an idea I'll try to name all of them with confidentiality...

BONI - (surname) same as Andres (the Hero) but we try to shortcut to make it cooler
FONDELUGA - (surname) we deleted the last 5 letters and replace it with LUGA... (use common sense on this)
PALIS - (surname) well that's his complete surname, sometime we call him WALIS coz it rhyme and DILAW for the reason that his teeth are all yellowish
TORRESS - (surname) he's a bully magnet back in HS.. We call him ABNOY coz he act and look like one. peace bro! you've improve in fairness.
SEDEño - (surname) we use to tease/call him BACKLA back in HS.
OC - we used to call him by his surname and sometimes BABA because its long...
JD and PM - Lucky ones coz we call them by their names.

And ME??? hahah go figure! Oh well... to give justice for the people here they call me ESPADODI or DODI... If you happen to know B1 and B2 "the 2 stupid sagings" in their sleepwear you'll get the idea. Freshmen to Senior year I was called that way. Hahahaha! but it's all good I rarely see them and my barkada calls me J just the way I like it simple.

... Like my ex offismate says CHILAX! (chill and relax)

2008-01-12T12:15:00.000+08:00

"I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

- Anonymous

Heartbreaker 101

2008-01-11T09:06:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine sent me an email that might help me cope up on what I'm going thru right now. The email is regarding how to move on after breaking someones heart. I feel the erg of posting the article here it might also help someone who's with the same situation with me.

See my comments (Italics) ;)

How to Heal and Move On After Breaking Someones Heart

By Lisa Steadman, The Relationship Journalist

Given the choice, most people say they would much rather break up with someone than get broken up with. But if you've recently initiated a breakup, you know how tough it can be.
Just because you summoned the courage to end your dead-end relationship doesn't mean you're not feeling a little heartache yourself (or experiencing some guilt for causing your ex heartache). But fear not, my brave friend. You are not alone. Following are some do's and don'ts that should make moving on that much easier.

Don't: Call, email, text or visit your ex in a moment of weakness
"Even though you brought on the breakup, there may still be times when you miss your ex.
Even though you brought on the breakup, there may still be times when you miss your ex." A song might come on the radio that reminds you of them. Something funny will happen and you'll want to share it. Or maybe you're just having a bad day and want to reach out and reconnect.
STOP RIGHT THERE. Missing your ex is one thing. Contacting your ex is a no-no. In fact, reconnecting with your ex is the absolute worst thing you can do right now. So before you have that moment of weakness, remove your ex's number from your cell phone, delete their email address, and take them off your social networking contacts. (Right now.)

My say: Error #1 I reconnect with her specially times when I felt alone... I knew someone who didn't delete his ex number but destroy her sim card... well I think it's the right thing to do but it's been my number for 4-5 years now.

Do: Ask friends for help
Because you initiated the breakup, your friends may not know that you're hurting. But if you are, it's important to ask for help, a.k.a. recruit your Boo-Hoo Crew. You'll want to choose a least three friends who know you well enough to know when you need comfort versus when you need a kick in the pants.
Your Boo-Hoo Crew should always know (and be able to remind you) why your ex wasn't good for you
Your Boo-Hoo Crew should always know (and be able to remind you) why your ex wasn't good for you then, and why they're definitely not worth pining over now.

My Say: I got 3 set of friends, Our friends which couldn't be bias, they are basically neutral when it comes to us. My high school friends which i can't understand sometimes they felt sorry for the 6 years lost. Since they are all boys and pros when it comes to the cheating side they told me that why do I need to break up with her "if pwede namang tumakas" I'm not really that type I couldn't lie no more to her I don't want to pile up sins after sins after sins... it's just not me. And my friendly friends they are the potential Boo-Hoo Crew which I usually share my love stories with...

Don't: Second-guess your decision
After a breakup, it's all too easy to second-guess yourself and your choices. Did I do the right thing? Should I have given him/her another chance? Maybe there was more I could do to make it work... The truth is, you can make yourself crazy second-guessing your decision. But what's done is done. You had your reasons, made your decision, and now it's time to accept and move on.

My Say: Why am I so fickle?... I made the decision I should stick to it right? And what so ironic about it is I used to listen to the song WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN - "I’m ready this time I know that I’m No longer undecided Don’t wanna be a fool wondering What might have been" Maybe I should read lesson #1 again and again till my brain gets numb.

Do: See your breakup for what it really is
You may not know it right now, but in ending your relationship with the wrong person, you're paving the way to meet the right one. Chances are good that you won't meet Mr. or Ms. Right overnight, but that doesn't mean the breakup was a bad decision.
By walking away from that wrong relationship, you're headed towards a life that's more honest and authentic for you.
By walking away from that wrong relationship, you're headed towards a life that's more honest and authentic for you. What better way to eventually attract your perfect partner than by living and loving your own life?

My Say: This is my favorite part. "Attracting someone by living and loving myself" Yes! I've been hiding inside myself lately, the next time I love no more lies, no more pretending.. I'm not gonna let someone stop me from doing what I want again for some selfish reasons and I'm gonna make sure she'll trust me 101%.

Don't: Badmouth your ex
In the aftermath of a breakup it's all too easy to badmouth your ex, spilling their dirty little secrets to anyone who will listen. Don't do it. Badmouthing your ex may feel good momentarily, but the fallout from those harmless snarky comments can be detrimental to your healing process, not to mention your dating future. Breakup karma is a bitch you don't want coming after you, so zip the lip and move on with dignity.

My Say: What I'm telling my friends are true, though majority of it is on my side but I make sure that my ex wouldn't look bad to them. I always say to them that I there is always sides on every story. It's just my side their listening into but maybe my ex side is much more rational than mine... It's the matter of who's side are you...

Do: Become a breakup rock star
And speaking of moving on, did you know that you can not only survive your breakup but actually thrive? By applying the lessons you learned from your last relationship, and refining what you want out of life and eventually from your perfect partner, you have the chance to reclaim yourself and become the ultimate breakup rock star. So go ahead, rock on!

My say: LET'S ROCK & ROLL!!!

Check your Feng Shui Horoscope for 2008

2008-01-09T10:49:00.000+08:00

I got this chain email from a friend about a spreadsheet generated crap telling you about your self and what's going to be your future this year. Well I have nothing to lose anyway and besides it's just for fun.

It order me to put my name, fav color, fave number, etc...

After that I got a result...

"Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it."

"15", This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

You like adventure. You are spontaneous and like to please people

My Soul is relaxed and laid back - being a happy-go-lucky care free person, yes i can say so
Lot's of love and friends - lot of love? maybe... family, relatives.. friends? yah I got a lot and so happy with them and I'm planning to make new ones this year.
Year will go very well - I'll leave it to God on this one.
Fall in love with someone unexpected - hmmm... who could that be? let's just wait and see...
Anonymous Friend - I will have? so that means he/she will soon exist in my life. I hope it's a lady friend

"15" - Good thing my favorite number is not 1.. hahahah

Adventure - i like adventure but not those extreme ones

Spontaneous - lately I've notice that i'm becoming impulsive it started after the break-up

Pleasing People - uha, I think that's what I'm good at... sometimes they misunderstood me as a flirt, I just like being around with people specially close ones.

Then after that I have to send it to 5 people in order for my wish to come true... hmmm... so i send it to 10 people to be sure and crossing my fingers on it.

.... I wanna meet my Miss Anonymous

2008-01-06T12:11:00.000+08:00

"Starbucks westlife after a late night gimik"

Me: what are you thinking right now? ayaw mo pa ba?
Her: Ayaw kong pag usapan yan.
Me: how about on my birthday?
Her: ... (little shook from her head)
Me: So kelan? pag balik mo?
Her: OO ...
Me:. ... (can't think of anything good to say)
......::: DEAD AIR :::......

Her: Let's go I'm sleepy na..

2008-01-04T10:47:00.000+08:00

Last night me and JD paid a visit to an old friend we stay there till 2 am talking about old issues and stuffs. He has two kids a boy and a girl and seems like he's coping up well for an undergrad, Her wife has no work and seems like their still dependent on their parents. Then on a spurt of a moment I spit out something... I told them that I wanted to get married, I wanted to take my life to the next level at that time I feel like that I can have a family of my own. I wasn't thinking of having a kid, it will come. I just want to have someone permanent in my life. Somehow I felt envious about my married friends.

The big question is... to whom? with hon? I broke up with my hon, for the reason that I want to break free from the leash then I wanted to get married... so erratic of me. The answer would be yes with hon, I want to marry her, 6 years and 4 months is not a joke I would never have another long relationship like that. Some people say time is not an issue, probably yes... but still we know each other so well and we're comfortable with each other.

Actually we talk about it before and we used to dream about it, I told her 27 would be the age for me to ask her the "big question". If I have the money right now damn I'll be proposing to her right now even though we're still not ok, but I'm flat broke I'm thinking of selling my car but decided not to, My friends told me it's not a problem we can have a CIVIL wedding and burn less than 50k for it but that's not my dream, that's not our dream. I planned to have a grand wedding it's a once in a lifetime event and I want it to make it very... very... special. I'm thinking of a 300k budget but 2 years from now it may go up to 500k. I'm just an average guy maybe to some people it's just a little. How can I raise that kind of money in 2 years? I'm not planning to loan, never. I don't want to hear people specially my mom nagging about it. And hon has no plans of splitting it between us. She wants me to spend it all.

2008-01-02T08:39:00.000+08:00

Back to reality again, back again to my routine of house - work - house. I was out for 10 days and I didn't expect that nobody will mind cleaning my work table. My cube was dusty and I have no choice but to clean it, well it's a good start. I got tons of task to do, task that I don't bother doing last month due to my anticipation of my long vacation. Now no more reasons to be stubborn, to be in no mood to work it's going to be work mode all the way till summer.

About my vacation it was great a time well spent with my family and specially my friends. We went out a lot dinner, drinking... I got two set of friends my high school and my college friends my C friends are the more consistent ones we used to see each other 2x / 3x a month they are the solid ones we've been together for 7 years now and still going where we wanted it to be... "Strong". Me and my HS friends don't bond a lot ever since we went to college. We're all boys and they all got issues. Everybody has their own alibis whenever we planned to have a get together. J and R are the only consistent ones. The 3 of us are usually together since R is my neighbor and J is about a few km away from us. But it's all good.

... This is my month, this is my year!

Worried about the things that could make us cold...

2007-12-30T17:04:00.001+08:00

It's been 2 months now since the tragedy. Birthday, Christmas and probably New Year and still no us. We see each other from time to time but there's no improvement we're still on the friend zone. Sometimes I can stand her but she's really putting me on the test and I just can't bare it. Maybe she's right I'm the one who wanted it so deal with it but she just can't accept my reasons. Her mind is so shut right now thinking of the fact I left her for some stupid reason. I really can't read what's going on her mind right now.

I only got 1 month left to fix things up but I'm becoming impatient again with her attitude... alright I told myself that I'll be patient if you happen to read my early post but the way she treats me I'm running out of it. 1 month left?... she'll be going to Atlanta on feb for 5 months and If I fail... who knows what will happen?. Awful things happen during that span of time specially the fact that it's long distance and we're not committed. I got a lot of questions running of my mind... what if one of us lost the feeling? What if someone comes on our life? Can I still accept her as a friend? things like that...

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

2007-12-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

2008 is fast approaching and I got this itch to post my "New Year Resolution" we all probably know that no matter how well we plan it, most of it are not kept very long, people are inconsistent sometimes. I believe that imposing some rules for yourself can be a big help on your well being it gives you some sort of guidelines to follow. 1, 3 or 5 months that you stick with your resolution gives you that feeling that you accomplish something for yourself.

Enough chit-chat... here it goes

* I'm going to lose 30 lbs. this year
* I'm going to run
* I'll be patient
* I'll be honest. no more lies
* I'll finish my debt and start saving
* I'm going to be a defensive driver
* I'll stop being stubborn

Basically that's it...
"Happy New Year Everyone and a Happy New Us"

2007-12-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

Felt like an ordinary day for me, its the first time I feel this way... bored... lonely...empty. I prayed for something special to happen but to no avail it didn't. It's Christmas people are supposed to be happy but I'm not, being single for quite some time is really hunting me right now. It's the first time in 6 years that I spent the holiday alone... maybe I'm just not use to.

I'm about to sleep when a friend drop by to invite me for a drink, I'm not sleepy anyway so I welcome the invite. We went to another friends house to do the deed but end up doing it on my house. The 3 of us we're up till 4 talking about the same crap again and again.

I guess my prayers were answered though it's not that special it still made my night worthwhile.

Friends... just can't live w/o them (LIFE SAVERS)

2007-12-21T08:07:00.000+08:00

It's a rebound day for me, Thursday is like an eating vacation for me. Attended two parties at the HO. The planning team xmas party was held lunch time I got a car airfreshener and a bar of chocolate as my gift. I was really undecided on what to put on my wish list it was already late when I decided to asks for a CD "Soul Obsession duets with Thor" anyway the party was great.

I haven't had a time to digest the food that we ate a while ago, RI Team party is fast approaching and it was schedule at merienda time, well you can't turn down free food. Thursday was great.

... Still can't feel the Christmas Season

2007-12-20T14:12:00.000+08:00

"When two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get things right, how do you know when enough is enough?"

from the movie The Mexican

2007-12-20T08:00:00.000+08:00

Last night I was really bored, It was our company Christmas Party and I didn't enjoy a bit. No more close friend to talk to, they already resigned and I'm the only one left. The only thing that made my night interesting is the girl who represent our division in the ledge dancing competition. She's soooo HOT!!! and she dances gracefully.

The night ended blue... again I was lonely. I miss being in a relationship, somehow it makes me feel apprehensive.

2007-12-19T08:00:00.000+08:00

" if you decided to be friends you should remain that way and nothing more"

- a friend's point of view

2007-12-18T11:00:00.000+08:00

It's the baptism of bitchpopoy's girl and got the opportunity to have a mini reunion with my high school friends. It was fun seeing those guys again Jeck, Peanut, Banks, Endaya & Igloo unfortunately we're missing four members Gotang, Brian, Jeffrey and Ovriane. Nope, we don't came from an exclusive school for boys but we never had a chance to add some girls on our line-up. All of us never had a gf on all 4 years of high school we're such a loser back then.

We had a lot of fun talking about stupid things that we did way back, We drink from 4 pm to 12 am well we have lots of things to talk about and catch up. Then I invited them to have coffee at Starbucks Araneta, well among the group I'm the only one who really enjoys coffee and they rather spend a 100 peso eating at a tapsihan with a free hot soup. We took a lot of pictures and I'll probably post it on my freindster account.

2007-12-16T22:55:00.001+08:00

I drove my brother and taratsky to paranaque for they will stay probably till Christmas, after that went straight to Glorieta to buy gifts for jhen and taratsky. I was roaming there for a long time but still can't find the right gift for jhen mom cold me and told me that she'll be the one to buy the gift for KD since she's already at greenhills.

Meet up with jhen at around 7PM then we went straight to greenhills she bought a few stuff then we had coffee, I slept in their house for we're going to pick up ate at the airport early morning.

2007-12-16T03:30:00.000+08:00

It was a hell-of-a-night for us, we are planning to check out the Carnival at MOA but unfortunately guys from far north was undecided, we planned to meet at MOA at around 4 PM, then it became 5, 6 and ended up at 7 pm. That we decided to go to Gery's Makati for a get together because it's late already for us to enjoy all the rides. I was planning to meet up with Jhen and Carlos since we are from the north side and I'm the only one who got a ride but Jhen told me to go ahead and probably she won't be joining us for the reason that she's not feeling well, Carlos told me that he will just catch-up on us. I arrived at Glorietta around 7:30 pm and still have to wait for Ai, AG and Biancx for 20 min. Since it was still early we decided to go to the mall to look for gifts for our family and friends for Christmas.

After the window shopping we went to Gery's and wait for Carlos and Adon, since there we're lots of people at the smoking area we have to wait for us to be seated Adon came so we decided to call Carlos but he wouldn't answer are call or even reply on out massages. After almost an hour of waiting we still haven't got a seat so we finally decided to move out and the idea is to go to Tides at Sucat. I really don't like the idea anyway for the fact that it's so damn long from my place but I finally decided to go since there's only 5 of us and not to ruin the night. We stop at Jollibee first to have a quick bite then went straight to Tides. It was really a long drive but it's worth it the place is nice, the crowd is not jologs and most of all food and drinks are cheap.

So there were 6 of us, we drank hurricane they called it the bad trip mix it taste like Yakult but its good. So we drank till 2 am, then went for a coffee. I was a little tipsy if not for the coffee I would have a hard time driving and I also told myself that I will never drink while I'm driving. So from Starbucks we parted ways I was planning to go to libis to catch up with another group of friends luckily they went home already and I'm beginning to get tired anyway.

2007-12-13T14:11:00.000+08:00

"Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be dissapointed!"

Anonymous

2007-12-13T10:06:00.000+08:00

I was thinking about a relative of mine lately, on what she's going thru right now. She got pregnant by her boyfriend whom she doesn't love, so it's an accident all right. We're both on the same age and probably think the same way but what happened? I really wanted to ask her why did she let that happen? Why didn't they practice safe sex? Did her bf don't like the idea of putting rubber or both of them? or it was just pure lust? Well having a baby today is suicide if you're not prepared well I'm not against it I too also like to have a baby girl but when I'm ready. It's not like the old days, the time of our parents on which average couple can have 3 to 5 sibling and can afford to raise them. Sometimes I wonder how my parents was able to do that. Definitely not this time.

The last time I saw her was on our way back to Manila from Singapore we're on the same flight she looked stressed physically and emotionally. You can tell that she was really having a hard time. I heard from my mom that she was avoiding her bf, for the reason that she doesn't love him. I felt that she wasn't really using her brain, ok you don't love the guy but at least let him do his responsibility as the father, it's really hard to raise a kid alone but still she decided not too.

That's not all her mother disgrace her for some selfish reasons. Ok, I got her point that her daughter one day arrive home pregnant to someone who she haven't met at all but she's your daughter for Christ's sake you just can't turn your back at her at least show concern. If there's one person she needed right now it's definitely her mom but her mom is the one causing her too much stress and pain. Imagine her mom want to send her to us for the reason that she's worried about her neighbors spreading gossip all over town and might reach their church, she's a born again christian by the way, so she's scared of the fact that what other people might tell against her. For all I care you can talk shit behind my back, make up stories about me, tease me about my physical appearance I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! because their not the one whose feeding me definitely they can't stop me from doing what I want not a chance. One thing I just can't tolerate is when they started to get physical that's a no! no! because definitely I'll fight back .

Back to my aunt, she wants to hide my cousin until the baby is born. My mom doesn't agree about it and so is everyone else. I understand my mom It'll be added obligation for her if my cousin lives with us she already got a lot of things to prioritize and the fact is my aunt is capable of taking care of her own daughter but my mom told me that my aunt doesn't listen and doesn't care about it so she told me just let it be. I felt bad about my cousin and her baby on what they're going thru right now. I also felt bad about my aunt being selfish come to think of it she's active in their church. She remind me of the song with the lyrics "Banal na Aso!, Santong Kabayo!... Natatawa ako Hi.. hi.. hi.. hi.. SAYO!!!!!.

2007-12-13T09:25:00.001+08:00

The news last night about the space shuttle stopping at the middle of the track got my attention, it's the most scariest ride at EK and it is also the favorite ride of my friends. We where there 2 weeks ago and they ride it twice and I ride it once well I'm not really into extreme stuff anyway.

Back to the accident, the passengers were stuck on their seat for an hour majority of them are teenagers, poor kids probably they won't be riding the shuttle for quite some time. They say that life is like a roller coaster sometimes your up sometimes your down and times like that you'll be wishing that your down. Luckily for them the shuttle made a full stop right after the loop, imagine if they were stuck upside down that's scary and I'll be crying mama if I'm in that situation. Eventually they were rescued and the management of EK felt sorry for them and offered them a year of unlimited ride at the space shuttle for free... just kidding! =P Maybe their parents might file a lawsuit against EK or whatever.

2007-12-12T18:06:00.000+08:00

I miss driving, I usually bring my car at the office 3 to 4 times a week but when oil got high I was forced to leave my car. Now I only used my car on weeekends, well on the bright side I got my needed exercise for my fat ass and was able to save money. I got a lot of plans for my ride I planned to change its color from green to black or sky blue, tint the windows though I like my windows as it is "clear" but the weather is scorching HOT so I might tint it after all, buy sporty seat covers, add a spoiler, buy new car mats and upgrade my audio system basically that's what I want to do but unfortunately I have no money to back me up and before I forget I still need to raise 7k to fix my latest boo..boo...

4 PHASES OF A BREAKUP

2007-12-11T09:03:00.000+08:00

Phase 1 ("Taking the Risk")
'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go...

Phase 2 ("Realization")
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

Phase 3 ("Lament")
Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good

Phase 4 ("Moving On")
But it's not so bad
She's only the best I ever had
She don't want me back
She's just the best I ever had

2007-12-10T09:12:00.000+08:00

2 weeks to go before my much anticipated long x-mass vacation. Went shopping with Jhen last sat at g'hills, there's a lot of things that I really wanted to buy for myself but I'm on a tight budget I paid my phone bill, paid the money that I owe from my mom and the office canteen. And I have tons of inaanak that I really needed to buy gifts. 07 is not my year I became broke, gained 10 lbs. and broke up with Jhen though my dream of having a car came true this year... well you can't have it all.

2007-12-07T08:21:00.001+08:00

I was the early bird today, well I have too some concern office mate warned me about the incoming warning /penalty of me being late all the time. First of all I taught that I can be at the office at 10 am but they said that it's 9 am. I've been doing it for damn so long but it's just now that they notice it. Well I don't give a damn I won't argue with them whatever helps them sleep at night.

I didn't sleep well last night it's not the pressure of me waking up early for today but for some other reason. My friend also called me up last night he's car broke down and he was in the middle of the expressway going to Cavite. He asked me for help, but I couldn't come there to rescue him, told him that if I have no work tomorrow I wont think twice of going there to help him. I felt sorry about what happened but he's a grown man I know he can handle it. It's quarter past 2 and I still can't sleep, I'm kinda dizzy today... really need sleep

2007-12-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

I was out of my league this past few days, felt sick and tired of how my life is going right now. I want to start a new life but with whom? myself? or Jhen... again.

Last Saturday we went to tagaytay to celebrate Jhen and Ai's birthday it was damn cold, to bad I have no one to cuddle with. We stayed on our favorite spot had a drink and talk about our college life, the other day we went straight to Enchanted Kingdom well I told my self that I would never ride the space shuttle again but to no avail my friends force me. It was not that scary compared to the first time i rode it. It was a long and fun weekend and I was exhausted the fact that I'm driving. I drove Carlos and Jhen home, unfortunately I got an allergy and rashes are coming out from my arms it was really itchy.

It was a hell of weekend but it's fun

2007-12-03T14:07:00.000+08:00

Hidden Power of the HeartConsider your own life—how many times a day does some situation pop up that leads to moments of frustration and anxiety? Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment. As you listen to your spirit, peace follows. So follow your spirit. Build your foundation in your heart. Love must be your innermost and spontaneous response towards every person you encounter. Say to yourself inside, "I just love." Use these words as a key to start the engine running in your heart and watch life brighten with new love and understanding. Surrender to your new awareness and let love unfold the purpose of creation to you.

- Sarah Paddison

2007-11-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

As usual nothing happen, We met just to fight again. Nobody is giving way I can't see her point, she can't see mine. She change a lot she's becoming more impatient and easily irritated that pisses me off. Though I'm trying my very best to be patient now. I want her back badly but she's still bitter. It just won't work that way...

Me: I'm sorry I shouldn't argue with you in the first place
Her: I'm sorry too... but it's better this way... enjoy your life w/o me.. Ayusin mo sarili mo.
Me: I just want the woman I knew a year before back...
Her: Time will tell... maybe pagbalik ko I'm better na.

2007-11-27T13:43:00.000+08:00

The sign was there last night it came around 8:30 in the evening. It was a short one but it gave me a spark of hope, again I'm falling... I couldn't help it so I've send a text message to Jhen asking her how's she's doing. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer, She's still upset about the break up and up to know she can't understand the reason why I broke up with her. I asked her if we could meet today and she agreed about it but told me that don't expect that we can talk regarding our situation right now because where just going in circles, she couldn't understand my point and I can't understand why she can't allow me to enjoy my freedom.

JHEN'S BIRTHDAY

2007-11-26T18:40:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow Jhen will be celebrating her birthday without me, or may not celebrate it at all I know how hurt she is right now all because of my dicision to break up with her. I don't know what to do? Would I greet her via text message? Would I meet with her at her office? Would I treat her for dinner or buy her a gift? Knowing Jhen she wouldn't accept any gifts from me She'll always throw her infamous line when she's mad "Anong Gagawin ko dyan!?" which really pisses me off. I hated it when someone doesn't show appreciation when you gave them something. Or would I rather erased 27 on the calendar?

I'm planning to greet her tonight but I need to have a sign before I do it... I'll be waiting for a text message from someone up to 10pm tonight. If I didn't receive any message I'll be with Jhen tomorrow.

I CAN'T HIDE

2007-11-26T18:21:00.000+08:00

People are starting to notice that I'm not with myself lately. I got 3 different comments today from 3 different people. Morning taught that I was happy I was lively this day. I kinda wonder maybe the smile on the face that I have this morning was really noticeable but the fact is I arrived late. Then afternoon came and asks me what's wrong with my eyes did I cry? I was surprised on what she'd have said definitely I didn't cry why should I? maybe not now... not yet... I wasn't able to sleep well last night I arrived late drunk, then I have to wake up early for work which I had a trouble doing that's why I was late. Tired eyes are starting to show up. Then evening told me that I look wasted, hahahaah I really need an 8 hour sleep right now.

3 WISHES

2007-11-25T10:24:00.000+08:00

If I was given 3 wishes to change something in my life physically I would wish for... Not all people are perfect though they are unique in their own ways. Sometimes I envy people who are almost perfect when it comes to their physical aspects, seems like they have everything they could wish for.

Anyways my 3 wishes would be....

Height

Why didn't I grow up? When I was a kid I'm into basketball, I always dreamed of being a varsity player ever since my high school days but the dream started to shatter when my height stops at 5'3'' when I was on my junior year. Honestly I'm good really good, but you can't just play the game with that height unless your playing street ball but when it comes to serious ball you just can't. Coaches would prefer a dumb, stupid 6 feet tall guy who didn't even understand how the game is played over a 5'3' fella who plays like MJ. I jumped every new year, drunk those stupid growth balls and prayed to God to add some more, but God thinks I'm better of this way. Well why would I argue about it. God has been great to me and my family. But if I was given a wish that's definitely on top.

Weight

Well losing 40 lbs. in a a day or even a week is impossible it's suicide. But if I'm given a wish it's going to be second on my list. Yes there's exercise and diet but it takes patience and that's what I don't have right now. Losing a pound per week is the safest so doing the math it will take me 40 weeks to reach a 120 lbs. =( I can't blame God about this it's definitely my fault I turned myself into an eating machine. I committed one of the seven capital sin which is gluttony. And I regret that.

XXXX

I'll keep my third wish to myself. It's kinda personal hahahaha! ;)

IM LONELY

2007-11-23T21:10:00.000+08:00

Friday night and I am here at an internet cafe. Imagine I'm here updating my blog instead of being out having fun and drinking with my Friends whom I've chosen over my girlfriend. Suddenly the loneliness is hunting me. I'm so bored right now that I'm thinking of going out alone to wherever me and my car can go. I'm becoming sick, the first few weeks was fun I was like a dog out from a cellar. Going on cruise control, but luck runs out and loneliness is catching up. I'm miss my old life back but just like what I've wrote earlier nothing have change so what's the use of going back.

Life is taking risk and I've taken that risk so might as well deal with it. It's not always fun. Now I know the downside of being single.... being alone on days you reallly needed someone to talk too, comfort you, make you feel that your secure.

I'm really confused right now... and lonely

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

2007-11-23T15:01:00.001+08:00

It's been 2 weeks now since I ended my 6 year relationship with Jhen. It's hard but i really wanted and needed it. I was on a leash for so long and it's about time to break free from it. We talked about it and as usual knowing Jhen she won't understand the way I feel, she always feels like she's the one hurting more, but actually both of us are hurting. I needed to be free, I want the freedom of going out with my guy friends with out the worry of reasoning out to her why I needed to go out with them. What I did is hard for her but it's the only way for us to grow and discover more of ourselves what we are capable to do without each other. If I'm not going to end it both of us will suffer, I'll be keeping it for the rest of my life. What if we got married? I'll always crave for that freedom and it will end up on more and more lies. I don't want that to happen. I love her so much but it's too much and we need this to learn and grow. I want her back but it's still too early and nothing has change yet.

2007-11-20T14:04:00.001+08:00

"If we practice and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless."

- Mahatma Gandhi

HIT AND RUN

2007-11-12T18:30:00.001+08:00

Last night I was on my way home from a friend's house it was around 2:30 in the morning the roads are wide open to zoom out. I was cruising along Araneta Ave. doing 80 kph when suddenly I shouted "OH MY GOD BABY DOG!" I almost hit the poor thing. I prayed that he was able to cross the street safely. Honestly if I hit that dog my conscience will hunt me.

I LOVE SINGAPORE

2007-11-07T09:36:00.000+08:00

For the first time in my life I was able to take a long vacation outside the Philippines. It's also my first time to ride an airplane. I was excited and scared at the same time, thinking of a plane crash and the probability of surviving one is really low but thank God we have a smooth trip arriving at Singapore in one piece.

I stayed at Ate Jeng's HDB (It's like a condo type apartment). My first day was a blast CJ was my tour guide she showed me how to load the Ez-link card it's the key to every public transportation there from the MRT/LRT to Buses. I was amazed on how they come up with that kind of system. Just by riding the MRT/LRT enables you to travel around Singapore. We went down at Orchard Station to go to Lucky Plaza to meet Bhowie. I was astonish on how the area was so clean people there are very discipline maybe for the fact that there is a big fine awaiting for you when you're caught littering. I also notice that the people there are very slim specially the ladies they are fun of wearing fashionable clothes on a regular day. They also like to wear very short skirts and shorts flaunting their milky white legs ;) That day is Bhowie's pay day so he treated us for dinner and damn! the food at Singapore was so expensive to think that we just ate at a food court, the average meal there cost you 150 pesos plus a drink that cost around 50 pesos and also the cigarettes there cost you 300 pesos for a pack! Not all things there are expensive though clothes and gadgets there are cheaper compared here at Pinas.

May first 5 days at Singapore it's more like a mall tour, going around Singapore taking pictures and enjoying the place, I felt like I was in paradise freedom from pollution, traffic, snatchers... yes you can walk freely at the street using your top of the line mobile phones without being scared of bad people taking it away from you. There is also no security guard at the door of every establishments checking your bags from bombs. I also like the dirty ice cream it cost about 30 pesos here its size is like a block of cheese squeeze between two wafer. The chocolate chip is my personal favorite.

We went to Zouk Club on a Wednesday with CJ and some college Friends to experience how Singaporeans party. And we were all surprised when we went inside they are playing old school music more of a new wave kinda thing. One thing that really caught our attention is they have dance steps actually more of a sign language on every songs played as if the songs are played over and over again. They called it Mambo Jumbo night I called it weird hehehehe.

Sentosa was the icing on the cake it's the last place I visited before I went back home. We took pictures at the Mir lion, ride the luge and the sky ride which was really scary. Watch the dolphin show and checked out the Underwater World but the one thing I really enjoyed is watching the 4D movie it was really cool.

Our flight to Manila was in the morning and it was raining while in the taxi going to the airport I reminisce about my experience. If I only have the money to burn and no work to comeback to I will definitely stay there. Taking a vacation to other countries was really something, specially if you have the money to back you up. Singapore was first on my list... I'm wondering which country would be next.

IM BACK!!!

2007-11-07T09:25:00.000+08:00

After 1 week of vacation at Singapore, I'm finally back... to reality. We'll it's been a while since my last post so I'm going to start posting again. I felt tired since I came back. I don't want to work anymore here I feel like my future is in another country maybe in Singapore. My mind hasn't still made up of what will I do in my life. I want to move out from my current company and try others that will make me grow more. I also want to work at Singapore but I don't have the money to back me up. Maybe next year.... I'm still undecided!

TELLING LIES

2007-10-26T13:29:00.000+08:00

People are sensitive, sometimes we just can't swallow the truth. That's why we lie. People lie to protect themselves and sometimes to protect other people, others usually do it to make them feel they are special.

Mother: Your not allowed to go out the street after lunch
Son: Why?
Mother: Coz kukunin ka ng bumbay at ilalagay ka sa sako...

Student 1: Can I barrow your book, I Just need to show it to my parents as proof that I bought one
Student 2: Ok but you have to treat me later..
Student 1: Sure

Boy: I'm John I'm studying at Ateneo
Girl: Really? Can you sing the Alma Matter Song of Ateneo?
Boy: ......

BF: Gudnyt baby, Swit dreams. Lets sleep na maaga pa pasok natin bukas. bye
GF: Ok, gudnyt baby love you! mwah! bye (Hangs up the phone)
BF: Guys the coast is clear I'm on my way...
GF: Girls I'll be there in a few minutes...

TIP: If your going to tell a lie just be sure you're consistent, or better not tell lies at all.

STICKING WITH JHEN

2007-10-23T16:02:00.000+08:00

My relationship with Jhen is going stronger as time passes by although the last few weeks we seem to lost the fire that keeps us going. Usually we see each other 24/7 but she being too busy lately we rarely see each other. I was bored, I felt alone that's when I realized I was free from the leash that's locking me up. So I called my friends and started going out with them to party, it went on for two weeks and I felt bored. That's when I realized that I missed Jhen that I rather be with her than with them.

Being with my friends for two weeks I was enlighten from the fact that I was missing a lot. They share their stories with me the number of girls they mingle with, their past relationships, the number of times they cheated. I was a virgin compared to them part of me want to experience their adventures and the other part of me is telling me not too. That 2 weeks of my life made me realize that being single is not that fun at all, being with someone you love is special.

I love being with Jhen and it seems as of this moment nobody can't take her place right now.
I'm trying to teach myself to be contented on what I have. On what little freedom Jhen is giving me right now. I think that's the key to our relationship being contented on what you have and enjoying it.

GOT HIGH AT TAGAYTAY

2007-10-22T16:33:00.000+08:00

After eating dinner at Bianca's our group decided to go to Tagaytay to drink. Me, Jhen, Carlos, Aileen, AG, Ron, Tom, Camille. We bougth are booze at 7-eleven though not everyone likes the idea of drinking COLT 45 so we mix it up with Red Horse so we're divided into the 45's and the horses. We stayed at 5R inn got a nice room with a perfect spot to drink.

All guys drank the 45's except for Ron who was not really into drinking. We stayed up till 4 am in the morning talking bout anything we could possibly think off. I got tipsy good thing for me that we ran out of booze or I'll might end up being drunk. I slept on the couch, I let Jhen sleep alone in the small bed both of us won't fit anyway.

I woke up around 9:30 am Aileen was cleaning the place. Everyone had no hang overs except for Carlos who puke on a plastic bag that has a hole in it. Everybody was hungry so we went to Leslies to take our brunch there but we were surprise of how expensive the food they are serving everyone decided to eat at Dencio's which is lot more cheaper. We we're somewhat embarrass but who cares It's not everyday will be at Tagayatay.

After our brunch we went to Caleruega a very nice place if your a nature lover this is the place for you. There is also a nice chapel there, they say it's a nice place to held your wedding but the aile is too short and I still prefer a longer aile.

A WEEK TO GO

2007-10-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

7 days to go before may first ride on an airplane going to Singapore. Not really excited about it, since I'm more worried on the tight budget I have on a long vacation outside the country. 5k for a week on a country with a higher cost of living. Good luck to Me!

MY LIFE SUCKS!!!

2007-10-19T13:43:00.000+08:00

It's Friday again and I don't feel like working, so here I am wasting my time doing nothing thinking of this coming weekend. My College friends are planning to go to Tagaytay on Saturday. The problem is I have no money got to pay my credit card bills and phone bills. I have no savings, I have to pay Jhen 10k for our fair to Singapore and I still owe her another 10K for may past debts. DAMN!!! I 'm broke!!!

My car is due for tune-up, no gas on the tank.... Huhuhuuhu! My life Sucks right now!!! I just want to go home but I still have to wait till 6 pm. I think I need a new job, Hopefully at Singapore but definitely it's not easy.

I'm bored promise!!!!!!

6 YEARS AND COUNTING?

2007-10-19T11:09:00.000+08:00

Jhen and I were together for 6 years and 3 months, I met her back in college during my freshmen year at MIT. I was really shy back then just don't have the guts to approach girls since we are on the same group of friends it made my life easy to get her attention. I courted her for a month, I still remember that night I was in ecstasy, overjoyed, happy etc.

Being with Jhen was fun, finally I have someone to share my dreams, someone to talk too, someone to cuddle, hug... plainly someone to love. But on every relationship there's always ups and downs. During our first year she discovered that I was lying to her, I made up a story that she was my 9th girlfriend where in fact she's my first and being a lousy liar the stories that I made up are inconsistent that's how she caught me. I did that for the reason that I want to be even with her, me being her 1oth boyfriend so I made up a story, I also did that so she won't feel that I'm a loser back in high school ..... ok fine! I was really stupid I was only 18 and a virgin when it comes to relationships.

Since then TRUST was lost and up to know it never came back for the next 5 years we leave in a world full of doubts. For that stupid mistake I suffered a lot. I thought I can make her trust me again but I failed. She never allowed me to go out with my friends thinking of I'm just going to flirt with them, for the last 6 years I was stuck with her, I never had an opportunity to meet new friends and If I'm at the point of making one she cuts it off. My world revolves around her and I felt sick with it. I really don't see anything wrong in making new friends I know myself, I know my limitations. So I made a brave move I went out with my new friends that I met at work without asking her permission I go out with them besides I'm a 100% sure she won't allow me. I just want to enjoy my life for Christ sake! But lady luck was not on my way she found out and I paid big time for it. Jhen has a strong personality she never accepts mistakes specially when it comes to our relationship. For the past six years I'm the one who's always wrong.

I never cheated on her which I believe is much more grave than telling a lie that she was my 9th girlfriend. I really don't deserve to be deprive of going out with my old friends. I love Jhen so much. She's the one I want to marry in the future but without TRUST it won't work. I was deprive of my personal life. And I'm scared that if we end up together I'll be ending the little freedom I'm having right now.

During this past week I'm becoming rebellious, since she's busy on her work I tried to go out with my friends a lot and I found out that I have been missing a lot lately. And I want to make up for it. I want to enjoy my life before I get married coz during the past six years I was on a leash trying to break free.