Worried about the things that could make us cold...

It's been 2 months now since the tragedy. Birthday, Christmas and probably New Year and still no us. We see each other from time to time but there's no improvement we're still on the friend zone. Sometimes I can stand her but she's really putting me on the test and I just can't bare it. Maybe she's right I'm the one who wanted it so deal with it but she just can't accept my reasons. Her mind is so shut right now thinking of the fact I left her for some stupid reason. I really can't read what's going on her mind right now.

I only got 1 month left to fix things up but I'm becoming impatient again with her attitude... alright I told myself that I'll be patient if you happen to read my early post but the way she treats me I'm running out of it. 1 month left?... she'll be going to Atlanta on feb for 5 months and If I fail... who knows what will happen?. Awful things happen during that span of time specially the fact that it's long distance and we're not committed. I got a lot of questions running of my mind... what if one of us lost the feeling? What if someone comes on our life? Can I still accept her as a friend? things like that...

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

2008 is fast approaching and I got this itch to post my "New Year Resolution" we all probably know that no matter how well we plan it, most of it are not kept very long, people are inconsistent sometimes. I believe that imposing some rules for yourself can be a big help on your well being it gives you some sort of guidelines to follow. 1, 3 or 5 months that you stick with your resolution gives you that feeling that you accomplish something for yourself.

Enough chit-chat... here it goes

* I'm going to lose 30 lbs. this year
* I'm going to run
* I'll be patient
* I'll be honest. no more lies
* I'll finish my debt and start saving
* I'm going to be a defensive driver
* I'll stop being stubborn

Basically that's it...
"Happy New Year Everyone and a Happy New Us"

Felt like an ordinary day for me, its the first time I feel this way... bored... lonely...empty. I prayed for something special to happen but to no avail it didn't. It's Christmas people are supposed to be happy but I'm not, being single for quite some time is really hunting me right now. It's the first time in 6 years that I spent the holiday alone... maybe I'm just not use to.

I'm about to sleep when a friend drop by to invite me for a drink, I'm not sleepy anyway so I welcome the invite. We went to another friends house to do the deed but end up doing it on my house. The 3 of us we're up till 4 talking about the same crap again and again.

I guess my prayers were answered though it's not that special it still made my night worthwhile.

Friends... just can't live w/o them (LIFE SAVERS)

It's a rebound day for me, Thursday is like an eating vacation for me. Attended two parties at the HO. The planning team xmas party was held lunch time I got a car airfreshener and a bar of chocolate as my gift. I was really undecided on what to put on my wish list it was already late when I decided to asks for a CD "Soul Obsession duets with Thor" anyway the party was great.

I haven't had a time to digest the food that we ate a while ago, RI Team party is fast approaching and it was schedule at merienda time, well you can't turn down free food. Thursday was great.

... Still can't feel the Christmas Season

"When two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get things right, how do you know when enough is enough?"

from the movie The Mexican

Last night I was really bored, It was our company Christmas Party and I didn't enjoy a bit. No more close friend to talk to, they already resigned and I'm the only one left. The only thing that made my night interesting is the girl who represent our division in the ledge dancing competition. She's soooo HOT!!! and she dances gracefully.

The night ended blue... again I was lonely. I miss being in a relationship, somehow it makes me feel apprehensive.

" if you decided to be friends you should remain that way and nothing more"

- a friend's point of view

It's the baptism of bitchpopoy's girl and got the opportunity to have a mini reunion with my high school friends. It was fun seeing those guys again Jeck, Peanut, Banks, Endaya & Igloo unfortunately we're missing four members Gotang, Brian, Jeffrey and Ovriane. Nope, we don't came from an exclusive school for boys but we never had a chance to add some girls on our line-up. All of us never had a gf on all 4 years of high school we're such a loser back then.

We had a lot of fun talking about stupid things that we did way back, We drink from 4 pm to 12 am well we have lots of things to talk about and catch up. Then I invited them to have coffee at Starbucks Araneta, well among the group I'm the only one who really enjoys coffee and they rather spend a 100 peso eating at a tapsihan with a free hot soup. We took a lot of pictures and I'll probably post it on my freindster account.

I drove my brother and taratsky to paranaque for they will stay probably till Christmas, after that went straight to Glorieta to buy gifts for jhen and taratsky. I was roaming there for a long time but still can't find the right gift for jhen mom cold me and told me that she'll be the one to buy the gift for KD since she's already at greenhills.

Meet up with jhen at around 7PM then we went straight to greenhills she bought a few stuff then we had coffee, I slept in their house for we're going to pick up ate at the airport early morning.

It was a hell-of-a-night for us, we are planning to check out the Carnival at MOA but unfortunately guys from far north was undecided, we planned to meet at MOA at around 4 PM, then it became 5, 6 and ended up at 7 pm. That we decided to go to Gery's Makati for a get together because it's late already for us to enjoy all the rides. I was planning to meet up with Jhen and Carlos since we are from the north side and I'm the only one who got a ride but Jhen told me to go ahead and probably she won't be joining us for the reason that she's not feeling well, Carlos told me that he will just catch-up on us. I arrived at Glorietta around 7:30 pm and still have to wait for Ai, AG and Biancx for 20 min. Since it was still early we decided to go to the mall to look for gifts for our family and friends for Christmas.

After the window shopping we went to Gery's and wait for Carlos and Adon, since there we're lots of people at the smoking area we have to wait for us to be seated Adon came so we decided to call Carlos but he wouldn't answer are call or even reply on out massages. After almost an hour of waiting we still haven't got a seat so we finally decided to move out and the idea is to go to Tides at Sucat. I really don't like the idea anyway for the fact that it's so damn long from my place but I finally decided to go since there's only 5 of us and not to ruin the night. We stop at Jollibee first to have a quick bite then went straight to Tides. It was really a long drive but it's worth it the place is nice, the crowd is not jologs and most of all food and drinks are cheap.

So there were 6 of us, we drank hurricane they called it the bad trip mix it taste like Yakult but its good. So we drank till 2 am, then went for a coffee. I was a little tipsy if not for the coffee I would have a hard time driving and I also told myself that I will never drink while I'm driving. So from Starbucks we parted ways I was planning to go to libis to catch up with another group of friends luckily they went home already and I'm beginning to get tired anyway.

"Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be dissapointed!"

Anonymous

I was thinking about a relative of mine lately, on what she's going thru right now. She got pregnant by her boyfriend whom she doesn't love, so it's an accident all right. We're both on the same age and probably think the same way but what happened? I really wanted to ask her why did she let that happen? Why didn't they practice safe sex? Did her bf don't like the idea of putting rubber or both of them? or it was just pure lust? Well having a baby today is suicide if you're not prepared well I'm not against it I too also like to have a baby girl but when I'm ready. It's not like the old days, the time of our parents on which average couple can have 3 to 5 sibling and can afford to raise them. Sometimes I wonder how my parents was able to do that. Definitely not this time.

The last time I saw her was on our way back to Manila from Singapore we're on the same flight she looked stressed physically and emotionally. You can tell that she was really having a hard time. I heard from my mom that she was avoiding her bf, for the reason that she doesn't love him. I felt that she wasn't really using her brain, ok you don't love the guy but at least let him do his responsibility as the father, it's really hard to raise a kid alone but still she decided not too.

That's not all her mother disgrace her for some selfish reasons. Ok, I got her point that her daughter one day arrive home pregnant to someone who she haven't met at all but she's your daughter for Christ's sake you just can't turn your back at her at least show concern. If there's one person she needed right now it's definitely her mom but her mom is the one causing her too much stress and pain. Imagine her mom want to send her to us for the reason that she's worried about her neighbors spreading gossip all over town and might reach their church, she's a born again christian by the way, so she's scared of the fact that what other people might tell against her. For all I care you can talk shit behind my back, make up stories about me, tease me about my physical appearance I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! because their not the one whose feeding me definitely they can't stop me from doing what I want not a chance. One thing I just can't tolerate is when they started to get physical that's a no! no! because definitely I'll fight back .

Back to my aunt, she wants to hide my cousin until the baby is born. My mom doesn't agree about it and so is everyone else. I understand my mom It'll be added obligation for her if my cousin lives with us she already got a lot of things to prioritize and the fact is my aunt is capable of taking care of her own daughter but my mom told me that my aunt doesn't listen and doesn't care about it so she told me just let it be. I felt bad about my cousin and her baby on what they're going thru right now. I also felt bad about my aunt being selfish come to think of it she's active in their church. She remind me of the song with the lyrics "Banal na Aso!, Santong Kabayo!... Natatawa ako Hi.. hi.. hi.. hi.. SAYO!!!!!.

The news last night about the space shuttle stopping at the middle of the track got my attention, it's the most scariest ride at EK and it is also the favorite ride of my friends. We where there 2 weeks ago and they ride it twice and I ride it once well I'm not really into extreme stuff anyway.

Back to the accident, the passengers were stuck on their seat for an hour majority of them are teenagers, poor kids probably they won't be riding the shuttle for quite some time. They say that life is like a roller coaster sometimes your up sometimes your down and times like that you'll be wishing that your down. Luckily for them the shuttle made a full stop right after the loop, imagine if they were stuck upside down that's scary and I'll be crying mama if I'm in that situation. Eventually they were rescued and the management of EK felt sorry for them and offered them a year of unlimited ride at the space shuttle for free... just kidding! =P Maybe their parents might file a lawsuit against EK or whatever.

I miss driving, I usually bring my car at the office 3 to 4 times a week but when oil got high I was forced to leave my car. Now I only used my car on weeekends, well on the bright side I got my needed exercise for my fat ass and was able to save money. I got a lot of plans for my ride I planned to change its color from green to black or sky blue, tint the windows though I like my windows as it is "clear" but the weather is scorching HOT so I might tint it after all, buy sporty seat covers, add a spoiler, buy new car mats and upgrade my audio system basically that's what I want to do but unfortunately I have no money to back me up and before I forget I still need to raise 7k to fix my latest boo..boo...

4 PHASES OF A BREAKUP

Phase 1 ("Taking the Risk")
'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go...

Phase 2 ("Realization")
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

Phase 3 ("Lament")
Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good

Phase 4 ("Moving On")
But it's not so bad
She's only the best I ever had
She don't want me back
She's just the best I ever had

2 weeks to go before my much anticipated long x-mass vacation. Went shopping with Jhen last sat at g'hills, there's a lot of things that I really wanted to buy for myself but I'm on a tight budget I paid my phone bill, paid the money that I owe from my mom and the office canteen. And I have tons of inaanak that I really needed to buy gifts. 07 is not my year I became broke, gained 10 lbs. and broke up with Jhen though my dream of having a car came true this year... well you can't have it all.

I was the early bird today, well I have too some concern office mate warned me about the incoming warning /penalty of me being late all the time. First of all I taught that I can be at the office at 10 am but they said that it's 9 am. I've been doing it for damn so long but it's just now that they notice it. Well I don't give a damn I won't argue with them whatever helps them sleep at night.

I didn't sleep well last night it's not the pressure of me waking up early for today but for some other reason. My friend also called me up last night he's car broke down and he was in the middle of the expressway going to Cavite. He asked me for help, but I couldn't come there to rescue him, told him that if I have no work tomorrow I wont think twice of going there to help him. I felt sorry about what happened but he's a grown man I know he can handle it. It's quarter past 2 and I still can't sleep, I'm kinda dizzy today... really need sleep

I was out of my league this past few days, felt sick and tired of how my life is going right now. I want to start a new life but with whom? myself? or Jhen... again.

Last Saturday we went to tagaytay to celebrate Jhen and Ai's birthday it was damn cold, to bad I have no one to cuddle with. We stayed on our favorite spot had a drink and talk about our college life, the other day we went straight to Enchanted Kingdom well I told my self that I would never ride the space shuttle again but to no avail my friends force me. It was not that scary compared to the first time i rode it. It was a long and fun weekend and I was exhausted the fact that I'm driving. I drove Carlos and Jhen home, unfortunately I got an allergy and rashes are coming out from my arms it was really itchy.

It was a hell of weekend but it's fun

Hidden Power of the HeartConsider your own life—how many times a day does some situation pop up that leads to moments of frustration and anxiety? Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment. As you listen to your spirit, peace follows. So follow your spirit. Build your foundation in your heart. Love must be your innermost and spontaneous response towards every person you encounter. Say to yourself inside, "I just love." Use these words as a key to start the engine running in your heart and watch life brighten with new love and understanding. Surrender to your new awareness and let love unfold the purpose of creation to you.

- Sarah Paddison