As usual nothing happen, We met just to fight again. Nobody is giving way I can't see her point, she can't see mine. She change a lot she's becoming more impatient and easily irritated that pisses me off. Though I'm trying my very best to be patient now. I want her back badly but she's still bitter. It just won't work that way...

Me: I'm sorry I shouldn't argue with you in the first place
Her: I'm sorry too... but it's better this way... enjoy your life w/o me.. Ayusin mo sarili mo.
Me: I just want the woman I knew a year before back...
Her: Time will tell... maybe pagbalik ko I'm better na.

The sign was there last night it came around 8:30 in the evening. It was a short one but it gave me a spark of hope, again I'm falling... I couldn't help it so I've send a text message to Jhen asking her how's she's doing. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer, She's still upset about the break up and up to know she can't understand the reason why I broke up with her. I asked her if we could meet today and she agreed about it but told me that don't expect that we can talk regarding our situation right now because where just going in circles, she couldn't understand my point and I can't understand why she can't allow me to enjoy my freedom.

JHEN'S BIRTHDAY

Tomorrow Jhen will be celebrating her birthday without me, or may not celebrate it at all I know how hurt she is right now all because of my dicision to break up with her. I don't know what to do? Would I greet her via text message? Would I meet with her at her office? Would I treat her for dinner or buy her a gift? Knowing Jhen she wouldn't accept any gifts from me She'll always throw her infamous line when she's mad "Anong Gagawin ko dyan!?" which really pisses me off. I hated it when someone doesn't show appreciation when you gave them something. Or would I rather erased 27 on the calendar?

I'm planning to greet her tonight but I need to have a sign before I do it... I'll be waiting for a text message from someone up to 10pm tonight. If I didn't receive any message I'll be with Jhen tomorrow.

I CAN'T HIDE

People are starting to notice that I'm not with myself lately. I got 3 different comments today from 3 different people. Morning taught that I was happy I was lively this day. I kinda wonder maybe the smile on the face that I have this morning was really noticeable but the fact is I arrived late. Then afternoon came and asks me what's wrong with my eyes did I cry? I was surprised on what she'd have said definitely I didn't cry why should I? maybe not now... not yet... I wasn't able to sleep well last night I arrived late drunk, then I have to wake up early for work which I had a trouble doing that's why I was late. Tired eyes are starting to show up. Then evening told me that I look wasted, hahahaah I really need an 8 hour sleep right now.

3 WISHES

If I was given 3 wishes to change something in my life physically I would wish for... Not all people are perfect though they are unique in their own ways. Sometimes I envy people who are almost perfect when it comes to their physical aspects, seems like they have everything they could wish for.

Anyways my 3 wishes would be....

Height

Why didn't I grow up? When I was a kid I'm into basketball, I always dreamed of being a varsity player ever since my high school days but the dream started to shatter when my height stops at 5'3'' when I was on my junior year. Honestly I'm good really good, but you can't just play the game with that height unless your playing street ball but when it comes to serious ball you just can't. Coaches would prefer a dumb, stupid 6 feet tall guy who didn't even understand how the game is played over a 5'3' fella who plays like MJ. I jumped every new year, drunk those stupid growth balls and prayed to God to add some more, but God thinks I'm better of this way. Well why would I argue about it. God has been great to me and my family. But if I was given a wish that's definitely on top.

Weight

Well losing 40 lbs. in a a day or even a week is impossible it's suicide. But if I'm given a wish it's going to be second on my list. Yes there's exercise and diet but it takes patience and that's what I don't have right now. Losing a pound per week is the safest so doing the math it will take me 40 weeks to reach a 120 lbs. =( I can't blame God about this it's definitely my fault I turned myself into an eating machine. I committed one of the seven capital sin which is gluttony. And I regret that.

XXXX

I'll keep my third wish to myself. It's kinda personal hahahaha! ;)

IM LONELY

Friday night and I am here at an internet cafe. Imagine I'm here updating my blog instead of being out having fun and drinking with my Friends whom I've chosen over my girlfriend. Suddenly the loneliness is hunting me. I'm so bored right now that I'm thinking of going out alone to wherever me and my car can go. I'm becoming sick, the first few weeks was fun I was like a dog out from a cellar. Going on cruise control, but luck runs out and loneliness is catching up. I'm miss my old life back but just like what I've wrote earlier nothing have change so what's the use of going back.

Life is taking risk and I've taken that risk so might as well deal with it. It's not always fun. Now I know the downside of being single.... being alone on days you reallly needed someone to talk too, comfort you, make you feel that your secure.

I'm really confused right now... and lonely

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

It's been 2 weeks now since I ended my 6 year relationship with Jhen. It's hard but i really wanted and needed it. I was on a leash for so long and it's about time to break free from it. We talked about it and as usual knowing Jhen she won't understand the way I feel, she always feels like she's the one hurting more, but actually both of us are hurting. I needed to be free, I want the freedom of going out with my guy friends with out the worry of reasoning out to her why I needed to go out with them. What I did is hard for her but it's the only way for us to grow and discover more of ourselves what we are capable to do without each other. If I'm not going to end it both of us will suffer, I'll be keeping it for the rest of my life. What if we got married? I'll always crave for that freedom and it will end up on more and more lies. I don't want that to happen. I love her so much but it's too much and we need this to learn and grow. I want her back but it's still too early and nothing has change yet.

"If we practice and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless."

- Mahatma Gandhi

HIT AND RUN

Last night I was on my way home from a friend's house it was around 2:30 in the morning the roads are wide open to zoom out. I was cruising along Araneta Ave. doing 80 kph when suddenly I shouted "OH MY GOD BABY DOG!" I almost hit the poor thing. I prayed that he was able to cross the street safely. Honestly if I hit that dog my conscience will hunt me.

I LOVE SINGAPORE

For the first time in my life I was able to take a long vacation outside the Philippines. It's also my first time to ride an airplane. I was excited and scared at the same time, thinking of a plane crash and the probability of surviving one is really low but thank God we have a smooth trip arriving at Singapore in one piece.

I stayed at Ate Jeng's HDB (It's like a condo type apartment). My first day was a blast CJ was my tour guide she showed me how to load the Ez-link card it's the key to every public transportation there from the MRT/LRT to Buses. I was amazed on how they come up with that kind of system. Just by riding the MRT/LRT enables you to travel around Singapore. We went down at Orchard Station to go to Lucky Plaza to meet Bhowie. I was astonish on how the area was so clean people there are very discipline maybe for the fact that there is a big fine awaiting for you when you're caught littering. I also notice that the people there are very slim specially the ladies they are fun of wearing fashionable clothes on a regular day. They also like to wear very short skirts and shorts flaunting their milky white legs ;) That day is Bhowie's pay day so he treated us for dinner and damn! the food at Singapore was so expensive to think that we just ate at a food court, the average meal there cost you 150 pesos plus a drink that cost around 50 pesos and also the cigarettes there cost you 300 pesos for a pack! Not all things there are expensive though clothes and gadgets there are cheaper compared here at Pinas.

May first 5 days at Singapore it's more like a mall tour, going around Singapore taking pictures and enjoying the place, I felt like I was in paradise freedom from pollution, traffic, snatchers... yes you can walk freely at the street using your top of the line mobile phones without being scared of bad people taking it away from you. There is also no security guard at the door of every establishments checking your bags from bombs. I also like the dirty ice cream it cost about 30 pesos here its size is like a block of cheese squeeze between two wafer. The chocolate chip is my personal favorite.

We went to Zouk Club on a Wednesday with CJ and some college Friends to experience how Singaporeans party. And we were all surprised when we went inside they are playing old school music more of a new wave kinda thing. One thing that really caught our attention is they have dance steps actually more of a sign language on every songs played as if the songs are played over and over again. They called it Mambo Jumbo night I called it weird hehehehe.

Sentosa was the icing on the cake it's the last place I visited before I went back home. We took pictures at the Mir lion, ride the luge and the sky ride which was really scary. Watch the dolphin show and checked out the Underwater World but the one thing I really enjoyed is watching the 4D movie it was really cool.

Our flight to Manila was in the morning and it was raining while in the taxi going to the airport I reminisce about my experience. If I only have the money to burn and no work to comeback to I will definitely stay there. Taking a vacation to other countries was really something, specially if you have the money to back you up. Singapore was first on my list... I'm wondering which country would be next.

IM BACK!!!

After 1 week of vacation at Singapore, I'm finally back... to reality. We'll it's been a while since my last post so I'm going to start posting again. I felt tired since I came back. I don't want to work anymore here I feel like my future is in another country maybe in Singapore. My mind hasn't still made up of what will I do in my life. I want to move out from my current company and try others that will make me grow more. I also want to work at Singapore but I don't have the money to back me up. Maybe next year.... I'm still undecided!