Worried about the things that could make us cold...

It's been 2 months now since the tragedy. Birthday, Christmas and probably New Year and still no us. We see each other from time to time but there's no improvement we're still on the friend zone. Sometimes I can stand her but she's really putting me on the test and I just can't bare it. Maybe she's right I'm the one who wanted it so deal with it but she just can't accept my reasons. Her mind is so shut right now thinking of the fact I left her for some stupid reason. I really can't read what's going on her mind right now.

I only got 1 month left to fix things up but I'm becoming impatient again with her attitude... alright I told myself that I'll be patient if you happen to read my early post but the way she treats me I'm running out of it. 1 month left?... she'll be going to Atlanta on feb for 5 months and If I fail... who knows what will happen?. Awful things happen during that span of time specially the fact that it's long distance and we're not committed. I got a lot of questions running of my mind... what if one of us lost the feeling? What if someone comes on our life? Can I still accept her as a friend? things like that...

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

2008 is fast approaching and I got this itch to post my "New Year Resolution" we all probably know that no matter how well we plan it, most of it are not kept very long, people are inconsistent sometimes. I believe that imposing some rules for yourself can be a big help on your well being it gives you some sort of guidelines to follow. 1, 3 or 5 months that you stick with your resolution gives you that feeling that you accomplish something for yourself.

Enough chit-chat... here it goes

* I'm going to lose 30 lbs. this year
* I'm going to run
* I'll be patient
* I'll be honest. no more lies
* I'll finish my debt and start saving
* I'm going to be a defensive driver
* I'll stop being stubborn

Basically that's it...
"Happy New Year Everyone and a Happy New Us"

Felt like an ordinary day for me, its the first time I feel this way... bored... lonely...empty. I prayed for something special to happen but to no avail it didn't. It's Christmas people are supposed to be happy but I'm not, being single for quite some time is really hunting me right now. It's the first time in 6 years that I spent the holiday alone... maybe I'm just not use to.

I'm about to sleep when a friend drop by to invite me for a drink, I'm not sleepy anyway so I welcome the invite. We went to another friends house to do the deed but end up doing it on my house. The 3 of us we're up till 4 talking about the same crap again and again.

I guess my prayers were answered though it's not that special it still made my night worthwhile.

Friends... just can't live w/o them (LIFE SAVERS)

It's a rebound day for me, Thursday is like an eating vacation for me. Attended two parties at the HO. The planning team xmas party was held lunch time I got a car airfreshener and a bar of chocolate as my gift. I was really undecided on what to put on my wish list it was already late when I decided to asks for a CD "Soul Obsession duets with Thor" anyway the party was great.

I haven't had a time to digest the food that we ate a while ago, RI Team party is fast approaching and it was schedule at merienda time, well you can't turn down free food. Thursday was great.

... Still can't feel the Christmas Season

"When two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get things right, how do you know when enough is enough?"

from the movie The Mexican

Last night I was really bored, It was our company Christmas Party and I didn't enjoy a bit. No more close friend to talk to, they already resigned and I'm the only one left. The only thing that made my night interesting is the girl who represent our division in the ledge dancing competition. She's soooo HOT!!! and she dances gracefully.

The night ended blue... again I was lonely. I miss being in a relationship, somehow it makes me feel apprehensive.

" if you decided to be friends you should remain that way and nothing more"

- a friend's point of view

It's the baptism of bitchpopoy's girl and got the opportunity to have a mini reunion with my high school friends. It was fun seeing those guys again Jeck, Peanut, Banks, Endaya & Igloo unfortunately we're missing four members Gotang, Brian, Jeffrey and Ovriane. Nope, we don't came from an exclusive school for boys but we never had a chance to add some girls on our line-up. All of us never had a gf on all 4 years of high school we're such a loser back then.

We had a lot of fun talking about stupid things that we did way back, We drink from 4 pm to 12 am well we have lots of things to talk about and catch up. Then I invited them to have coffee at Starbucks Araneta, well among the group I'm the only one who really enjoys coffee and they rather spend a 100 peso eating at a tapsihan with a free hot soup. We took a lot of pictures and I'll probably post it on my freindster account.

I drove my brother and taratsky to paranaque for they will stay probably till Christmas, after that went straight to Glorieta to buy gifts for jhen and taratsky. I was roaming there for a long time but still can't find the right gift for jhen mom cold me and told me that she'll be the one to buy the gift for KD since she's already at greenhills.

Meet up with jhen at around 7PM then we went straight to greenhills she bought a few stuff then we had coffee, I slept in their house for we're going to pick up ate at the airport early morning.

It was a hell-of-a-night for us, we are planning to check out the Carnival at MOA but unfortunately guys from far north was undecided, we planned to meet at MOA at around 4 PM, then it became 5, 6 and ended up at 7 pm. That we decided to go to Gery's Makati for a get together because it's late already for us to enjoy all the rides. I was planning to meet up with Jhen and Carlos since we are from the north side and I'm the only one who got a ride but Jhen told me to go ahead and probably she won't be joining us for the reason that she's not feeling well, Carlos told me that he will just catch-up on us. I arrived at Glorietta around 7:30 pm and still have to wait for Ai, AG and Biancx for 20 min. Since it was still early we decided to go to the mall to look for gifts for our family and friends for Christmas.

After the window shopping we went to Gery's and wait for Carlos and Adon, since there we're lots of people at the smoking area we have to wait for us to be seated Adon came so we decided to call Carlos but he wouldn't answer are call or even reply on out massages. After almost an hour of waiting we still haven't got a seat so we finally decided to move out and the idea is to go to Tides at Sucat. I really don't like the idea anyway for the fact that it's so damn long from my place but I finally decided to go since there's only 5 of us and not to ruin the night. We stop at Jollibee first to have a quick bite then went straight to Tides. It was really a long drive but it's worth it the place is nice, the crowd is not jologs and most of all food and drinks are cheap.

So there were 6 of us, we drank hurricane they called it the bad trip mix it taste like Yakult but its good. So we drank till 2 am, then went for a coffee. I was a little tipsy if not for the coffee I would have a hard time driving and I also told myself that I will never drink while I'm driving. So from Starbucks we parted ways I was planning to go to libis to catch up with another group of friends luckily they went home already and I'm beginning to get tired anyway.

"Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be dissapointed!"

Anonymous

I was thinking about a relative of mine lately, on what she's going thru right now. She got pregnant by her boyfriend whom she doesn't love, so it's an accident all right. We're both on the same age and probably think the same way but what happened? I really wanted to ask her why did she let that happen? Why didn't they practice safe sex? Did her bf don't like the idea of putting rubber or both of them? or it was just pure lust? Well having a baby today is suicide if you're not prepared well I'm not against it I too also like to have a baby girl but when I'm ready. It's not like the old days, the time of our parents on which average couple can have 3 to 5 sibling and can afford to raise them. Sometimes I wonder how my parents was able to do that. Definitely not this time.

The last time I saw her was on our way back to Manila from Singapore we're on the same flight she looked stressed physically and emotionally. You can tell that she was really having a hard time. I heard from my mom that she was avoiding her bf, for the reason that she doesn't love him. I felt that she wasn't really using her brain, ok you don't love the guy but at least let him do his responsibility as the father, it's really hard to raise a kid alone but still she decided not too.

That's not all her mother disgrace her for some selfish reasons. Ok, I got her point that her daughter one day arrive home pregnant to someone who she haven't met at all but she's your daughter for Christ's sake you just can't turn your back at her at least show concern. If there's one person she needed right now it's definitely her mom but her mom is the one causing her too much stress and pain. Imagine her mom want to send her to us for the reason that she's worried about her neighbors spreading gossip all over town and might reach their church, she's a born again christian by the way, so she's scared of the fact that what other people might tell against her. For all I care you can talk shit behind my back, make up stories about me, tease me about my physical appearance I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! because their not the one whose feeding me definitely they can't stop me from doing what I want not a chance. One thing I just can't tolerate is when they started to get physical that's a no! no! because definitely I'll fight back .

Back to my aunt, she wants to hide my cousin until the baby is born. My mom doesn't agree about it and so is everyone else. I understand my mom It'll be added obligation for her if my cousin lives with us she already got a lot of things to prioritize and the fact is my aunt is capable of taking care of her own daughter but my mom told me that my aunt doesn't listen and doesn't care about it so she told me just let it be. I felt bad about my cousin and her baby on what they're going thru right now. I also felt bad about my aunt being selfish come to think of it she's active in their church. She remind me of the song with the lyrics "Banal na Aso!, Santong Kabayo!... Natatawa ako Hi.. hi.. hi.. hi.. SAYO!!!!!.

The news last night about the space shuttle stopping at the middle of the track got my attention, it's the most scariest ride at EK and it is also the favorite ride of my friends. We where there 2 weeks ago and they ride it twice and I ride it once well I'm not really into extreme stuff anyway.

Back to the accident, the passengers were stuck on their seat for an hour majority of them are teenagers, poor kids probably they won't be riding the shuttle for quite some time. They say that life is like a roller coaster sometimes your up sometimes your down and times like that you'll be wishing that your down. Luckily for them the shuttle made a full stop right after the loop, imagine if they were stuck upside down that's scary and I'll be crying mama if I'm in that situation. Eventually they were rescued and the management of EK felt sorry for them and offered them a year of unlimited ride at the space shuttle for free... just kidding! =P Maybe their parents might file a lawsuit against EK or whatever.

I miss driving, I usually bring my car at the office 3 to 4 times a week but when oil got high I was forced to leave my car. Now I only used my car on weeekends, well on the bright side I got my needed exercise for my fat ass and was able to save money. I got a lot of plans for my ride I planned to change its color from green to black or sky blue, tint the windows though I like my windows as it is "clear" but the weather is scorching HOT so I might tint it after all, buy sporty seat covers, add a spoiler, buy new car mats and upgrade my audio system basically that's what I want to do but unfortunately I have no money to back me up and before I forget I still need to raise 7k to fix my latest boo..boo...

4 PHASES OF A BREAKUP

Phase 1 ("Taking the Risk")
'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go...

Phase 2 ("Realization")
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

Phase 3 ("Lament")
Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good

Phase 4 ("Moving On")
But it's not so bad
She's only the best I ever had
She don't want me back
She's just the best I ever had

2 weeks to go before my much anticipated long x-mass vacation. Went shopping with Jhen last sat at g'hills, there's a lot of things that I really wanted to buy for myself but I'm on a tight budget I paid my phone bill, paid the money that I owe from my mom and the office canteen. And I have tons of inaanak that I really needed to buy gifts. 07 is not my year I became broke, gained 10 lbs. and broke up with Jhen though my dream of having a car came true this year... well you can't have it all.

I was the early bird today, well I have too some concern office mate warned me about the incoming warning /penalty of me being late all the time. First of all I taught that I can be at the office at 10 am but they said that it's 9 am. I've been doing it for damn so long but it's just now that they notice it. Well I don't give a damn I won't argue with them whatever helps them sleep at night.

I didn't sleep well last night it's not the pressure of me waking up early for today but for some other reason. My friend also called me up last night he's car broke down and he was in the middle of the expressway going to Cavite. He asked me for help, but I couldn't come there to rescue him, told him that if I have no work tomorrow I wont think twice of going there to help him. I felt sorry about what happened but he's a grown man I know he can handle it. It's quarter past 2 and I still can't sleep, I'm kinda dizzy today... really need sleep

I was out of my league this past few days, felt sick and tired of how my life is going right now. I want to start a new life but with whom? myself? or Jhen... again.

Last Saturday we went to tagaytay to celebrate Jhen and Ai's birthday it was damn cold, to bad I have no one to cuddle with. We stayed on our favorite spot had a drink and talk about our college life, the other day we went straight to Enchanted Kingdom well I told my self that I would never ride the space shuttle again but to no avail my friends force me. It was not that scary compared to the first time i rode it. It was a long and fun weekend and I was exhausted the fact that I'm driving. I drove Carlos and Jhen home, unfortunately I got an allergy and rashes are coming out from my arms it was really itchy.

It was a hell of weekend but it's fun

Hidden Power of the HeartConsider your own life—how many times a day does some situation pop up that leads to moments of frustration and anxiety? Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment. As you listen to your spirit, peace follows. So follow your spirit. Build your foundation in your heart. Love must be your innermost and spontaneous response towards every person you encounter. Say to yourself inside, "I just love." Use these words as a key to start the engine running in your heart and watch life brighten with new love and understanding. Surrender to your new awareness and let love unfold the purpose of creation to you.

- Sarah Paddison

As usual nothing happen, We met just to fight again. Nobody is giving way I can't see her point, she can't see mine. She change a lot she's becoming more impatient and easily irritated that pisses me off. Though I'm trying my very best to be patient now. I want her back badly but she's still bitter. It just won't work that way...

Me: I'm sorry I shouldn't argue with you in the first place
Her: I'm sorry too... but it's better this way... enjoy your life w/o me.. Ayusin mo sarili mo.
Me: I just want the woman I knew a year before back...
Her: Time will tell... maybe pagbalik ko I'm better na.

The sign was there last night it came around 8:30 in the evening. It was a short one but it gave me a spark of hope, again I'm falling... I couldn't help it so I've send a text message to Jhen asking her how's she's doing. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer, She's still upset about the break up and up to know she can't understand the reason why I broke up with her. I asked her if we could meet today and she agreed about it but told me that don't expect that we can talk regarding our situation right now because where just going in circles, she couldn't understand my point and I can't understand why she can't allow me to enjoy my freedom.

JHEN'S BIRTHDAY

Tomorrow Jhen will be celebrating her birthday without me, or may not celebrate it at all I know how hurt she is right now all because of my dicision to break up with her. I don't know what to do? Would I greet her via text message? Would I meet with her at her office? Would I treat her for dinner or buy her a gift? Knowing Jhen she wouldn't accept any gifts from me She'll always throw her infamous line when she's mad "Anong Gagawin ko dyan!?" which really pisses me off. I hated it when someone doesn't show appreciation when you gave them something. Or would I rather erased 27 on the calendar?

I'm planning to greet her tonight but I need to have a sign before I do it... I'll be waiting for a text message from someone up to 10pm tonight. If I didn't receive any message I'll be with Jhen tomorrow.

I CAN'T HIDE

People are starting to notice that I'm not with myself lately. I got 3 different comments today from 3 different people. Morning taught that I was happy I was lively this day. I kinda wonder maybe the smile on the face that I have this morning was really noticeable but the fact is I arrived late. Then afternoon came and asks me what's wrong with my eyes did I cry? I was surprised on what she'd have said definitely I didn't cry why should I? maybe not now... not yet... I wasn't able to sleep well last night I arrived late drunk, then I have to wake up early for work which I had a trouble doing that's why I was late. Tired eyes are starting to show up. Then evening told me that I look wasted, hahahaah I really need an 8 hour sleep right now.

3 WISHES

If I was given 3 wishes to change something in my life physically I would wish for... Not all people are perfect though they are unique in their own ways. Sometimes I envy people who are almost perfect when it comes to their physical aspects, seems like they have everything they could wish for.

Anyways my 3 wishes would be....

Height

Why didn't I grow up? When I was a kid I'm into basketball, I always dreamed of being a varsity player ever since my high school days but the dream started to shatter when my height stops at 5'3'' when I was on my junior year. Honestly I'm good really good, but you can't just play the game with that height unless your playing street ball but when it comes to serious ball you just can't. Coaches would prefer a dumb, stupid 6 feet tall guy who didn't even understand how the game is played over a 5'3' fella who plays like MJ. I jumped every new year, drunk those stupid growth balls and prayed to God to add some more, but God thinks I'm better of this way. Well why would I argue about it. God has been great to me and my family. But if I was given a wish that's definitely on top.

Weight

Well losing 40 lbs. in a a day or even a week is impossible it's suicide. But if I'm given a wish it's going to be second on my list. Yes there's exercise and diet but it takes patience and that's what I don't have right now. Losing a pound per week is the safest so doing the math it will take me 40 weeks to reach a 120 lbs. =( I can't blame God about this it's definitely my fault I turned myself into an eating machine. I committed one of the seven capital sin which is gluttony. And I regret that.

XXXX

I'll keep my third wish to myself. It's kinda personal hahahaha! ;)

IM LONELY

Friday night and I am here at an internet cafe. Imagine I'm here updating my blog instead of being out having fun and drinking with my Friends whom I've chosen over my girlfriend. Suddenly the loneliness is hunting me. I'm so bored right now that I'm thinking of going out alone to wherever me and my car can go. I'm becoming sick, the first few weeks was fun I was like a dog out from a cellar. Going on cruise control, but luck runs out and loneliness is catching up. I'm miss my old life back but just like what I've wrote earlier nothing have change so what's the use of going back.

Life is taking risk and I've taken that risk so might as well deal with it. It's not always fun. Now I know the downside of being single.... being alone on days you reallly needed someone to talk too, comfort you, make you feel that your secure.

I'm really confused right now... and lonely

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

It's been 2 weeks now since I ended my 6 year relationship with Jhen. It's hard but i really wanted and needed it. I was on a leash for so long and it's about time to break free from it. We talked about it and as usual knowing Jhen she won't understand the way I feel, she always feels like she's the one hurting more, but actually both of us are hurting. I needed to be free, I want the freedom of going out with my guy friends with out the worry of reasoning out to her why I needed to go out with them. What I did is hard for her but it's the only way for us to grow and discover more of ourselves what we are capable to do without each other. If I'm not going to end it both of us will suffer, I'll be keeping it for the rest of my life. What if we got married? I'll always crave for that freedom and it will end up on more and more lies. I don't want that to happen. I love her so much but it's too much and we need this to learn and grow. I want her back but it's still too early and nothing has change yet.

"If we practice and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless."

- Mahatma Gandhi

HIT AND RUN

Last night I was on my way home from a friend's house it was around 2:30 in the morning the roads are wide open to zoom out. I was cruising along Araneta Ave. doing 80 kph when suddenly I shouted "OH MY GOD BABY DOG!" I almost hit the poor thing. I prayed that he was able to cross the street safely. Honestly if I hit that dog my conscience will hunt me.

I LOVE SINGAPORE

For the first time in my life I was able to take a long vacation outside the Philippines. It's also my first time to ride an airplane. I was excited and scared at the same time, thinking of a plane crash and the probability of surviving one is really low but thank God we have a smooth trip arriving at Singapore in one piece.

I stayed at Ate Jeng's HDB (It's like a condo type apartment). My first day was a blast CJ was my tour guide she showed me how to load the Ez-link card it's the key to every public transportation there from the MRT/LRT to Buses. I was amazed on how they come up with that kind of system. Just by riding the MRT/LRT enables you to travel around Singapore. We went down at Orchard Station to go to Lucky Plaza to meet Bhowie. I was astonish on how the area was so clean people there are very discipline maybe for the fact that there is a big fine awaiting for you when you're caught littering. I also notice that the people there are very slim specially the ladies they are fun of wearing fashionable clothes on a regular day. They also like to wear very short skirts and shorts flaunting their milky white legs ;) That day is Bhowie's pay day so he treated us for dinner and damn! the food at Singapore was so expensive to think that we just ate at a food court, the average meal there cost you 150 pesos plus a drink that cost around 50 pesos and also the cigarettes there cost you 300 pesos for a pack! Not all things there are expensive though clothes and gadgets there are cheaper compared here at Pinas.

May first 5 days at Singapore it's more like a mall tour, going around Singapore taking pictures and enjoying the place, I felt like I was in paradise freedom from pollution, traffic, snatchers... yes you can walk freely at the street using your top of the line mobile phones without being scared of bad people taking it away from you. There is also no security guard at the door of every establishments checking your bags from bombs. I also like the dirty ice cream it cost about 30 pesos here its size is like a block of cheese squeeze between two wafer. The chocolate chip is my personal favorite.

We went to Zouk Club on a Wednesday with CJ and some college Friends to experience how Singaporeans party. And we were all surprised when we went inside they are playing old school music more of a new wave kinda thing. One thing that really caught our attention is they have dance steps actually more of a sign language on every songs played as if the songs are played over and over again. They called it Mambo Jumbo night I called it weird hehehehe.

Sentosa was the icing on the cake it's the last place I visited before I went back home. We took pictures at the Mir lion, ride the luge and the sky ride which was really scary. Watch the dolphin show and checked out the Underwater World but the one thing I really enjoyed is watching the 4D movie it was really cool.

Our flight to Manila was in the morning and it was raining while in the taxi going to the airport I reminisce about my experience. If I only have the money to burn and no work to comeback to I will definitely stay there. Taking a vacation to other countries was really something, specially if you have the money to back you up. Singapore was first on my list... I'm wondering which country would be next.

IM BACK!!!

After 1 week of vacation at Singapore, I'm finally back... to reality. We'll it's been a while since my last post so I'm going to start posting again. I felt tired since I came back. I don't want to work anymore here I feel like my future is in another country maybe in Singapore. My mind hasn't still made up of what will I do in my life. I want to move out from my current company and try others that will make me grow more. I also want to work at Singapore but I don't have the money to back me up. Maybe next year.... I'm still undecided!

TELLING LIES

People are sensitive, sometimes we just can't swallow the truth. That's why we lie. People lie to protect themselves and sometimes to protect other people, others usually do it to make them feel they are special.

Mother: Your not allowed to go out the street after lunch
Son: Why?
Mother: Coz kukunin ka ng bumbay at ilalagay ka sa sako...

Student 1: Can I barrow your book, I Just need to show it to my parents as proof that I bought one
Student 2: Ok but you have to treat me later..
Student 1: Sure

Boy: I'm John I'm studying at Ateneo
Girl: Really? Can you sing the Alma Matter Song of Ateneo?
Boy: ......

BF: Gudnyt baby, Swit dreams. Lets sleep na maaga pa pasok natin bukas. bye
GF: Ok, gudnyt baby love you! mwah! bye (Hangs up the phone)
BF: Guys the coast is clear I'm on my way...
GF: Girls I'll be there in a few minutes...

TIP: If your going to tell a lie just be sure you're consistent, or better not tell lies at all.

STICKING WITH JHEN

My relationship with Jhen is going stronger as time passes by although the last few weeks we seem to lost the fire that keeps us going. Usually we see each other 24/7 but she being too busy lately we rarely see each other. I was bored, I felt alone that's when I realized I was free from the leash that's locking me up. So I called my friends and started going out with them to party, it went on for two weeks and I felt bored. That's when I realized that I missed Jhen that I rather be with her than with them.

Being with my friends for two weeks I was enlighten from the fact that I was missing a lot. They share their stories with me the number of girls they mingle with, their past relationships, the number of times they cheated. I was a virgin compared to them part of me want to experience their adventures and the other part of me is telling me not too. That 2 weeks of my life made me realize that being single is not that fun at all, being with someone you love is special.

I love being with Jhen and it seems as of this moment nobody can't take her place right now.
I'm trying to teach myself to be contented on what I have. On what little freedom Jhen is giving me right now. I think that's the key to our relationship being contented on what you have and enjoying it.

GOT HIGH AT TAGAYTAY

After eating dinner at Bianca's our group decided to go to Tagaytay to drink. Me, Jhen, Carlos, Aileen, AG, Ron, Tom, Camille. We bougth are booze at 7-eleven though not everyone likes the idea of drinking COLT 45 so we mix it up with Red Horse so we're divided into the 45's and the horses. We stayed at 5R inn got a nice room with a perfect spot to drink.

All guys drank the 45's except for Ron who was not really into drinking. We stayed up till 4 am in the morning talking bout anything we could possibly think off. I got tipsy good thing for me that we ran out of booze or I'll might end up being drunk. I slept on the couch, I let Jhen sleep alone in the small bed both of us won't fit anyway.

I woke up around 9:30 am Aileen was cleaning the place. Everyone had no hang overs except for Carlos who puke on a plastic bag that has a hole in it. Everybody was hungry so we went to Leslies to take our brunch there but we were surprise of how expensive the food they are serving everyone decided to eat at Dencio's which is lot more cheaper. We we're somewhat embarrass but who cares It's not everyday will be at Tagayatay.

After our brunch we went to Caleruega a very nice place if your a nature lover this is the place for you. There is also a nice chapel there, they say it's a nice place to held your wedding but the aile is too short and I still prefer a longer aile.

A WEEK TO GO

7 days to go before may first ride on an airplane going to Singapore. Not really excited about it, since I'm more worried on the tight budget I have on a long vacation outside the country. 5k for a week on a country with a higher cost of living. Good luck to Me!

MY LIFE SUCKS!!!

It's Friday again and I don't feel like working, so here I am wasting my time doing nothing thinking of this coming weekend. My College friends are planning to go to Tagaytay on Saturday. The problem is I have no money got to pay my credit card bills and phone bills. I have no savings, I have to pay Jhen 10k for our fair to Singapore and I still owe her another 10K for may past debts. DAMN!!! I 'm broke!!!

My car is due for tune-up, no gas on the tank.... Huhuhuuhu! My life Sucks right now!!! I just want to go home but I still have to wait till 6 pm. I think I need a new job, Hopefully at Singapore but definitely it's not easy.

I'm bored promise!!!!!!

6 YEARS AND COUNTING?

Jhen and I were together for 6 years and 3 months, I met her back in college during my freshmen year at MIT. I was really shy back then just don't have the guts to approach girls since we are on the same group of friends it made my life easy to get her attention. I courted her for a month, I still remember that night I was in ecstasy, overjoyed, happy etc.

Being with Jhen was fun, finally I have someone to share my dreams, someone to talk too, someone to cuddle, hug... plainly someone to love. But on every relationship there's always ups and downs. During our first year she discovered that I was lying to her, I made up a story that she was my 9th girlfriend where in fact she's my first and being a lousy liar the stories that I made up are inconsistent that's how she caught me. I did that for the reason that I want to be even with her, me being her 1oth boyfriend so I made up a story, I also did that so she won't feel that I'm a loser back in high school ..... ok fine! I was really stupid I was only 18 and a virgin when it comes to relationships.

Since then TRUST was lost and up to know it never came back for the next 5 years we leave in a world full of doubts. For that stupid mistake I suffered a lot. I thought I can make her trust me again but I failed. She never allowed me to go out with my friends thinking of I'm just going to flirt with them, for the last 6 years I was stuck with her, I never had an opportunity to meet new friends and If I'm at the point of making one she cuts it off. My world revolves around her and I felt sick with it. I really don't see anything wrong in making new friends I know myself, I know my limitations. So I made a brave move I went out with my new friends that I met at work without asking her permission I go out with them besides I'm a 100% sure she won't allow me. I just want to enjoy my life for Christ sake! But lady luck was not on my way she found out and I paid big time for it. Jhen has a strong personality she never accepts mistakes specially when it comes to our relationship. For the past six years I'm the one who's always wrong.

I never cheated on her which I believe is much more grave than telling a lie that she was my 9th girlfriend. I really don't deserve to be deprive of going out with my old friends. I love Jhen so much. She's the one I want to marry in the future but without TRUST it won't work. I was deprive of my personal life. And I'm scared that if we end up together I'll be ending the little freedom I'm having right now.

During this past week I'm becoming rebellious, since she's busy on her work I tried to go out with my friends a lot and I found out that I have been missing a lot lately. And I want to make up for it. I want to enjoy my life before I get married coz during the past six years I was on a leash trying to break free.